Your Reason, Fair Knight, Your Reason

(First published by Independent Australia)

It may well be that no-one, not even Abbott, knew of the new knighthoods till 3.10 yesterday. Shocked by a Shorten motion on the money he was taking from the kids of dead soldiers, and wanting to avoid that headline, wanting also to punish and wrong-foot Shorten for so shaming him and shrinking him, he ennobled his mother-in-law.

A nice Jesuitical wriggle, he will have thought. But the results have been, already, calamitous.

For if Malcolm Fraser is not the next on the list, three million Liberals will be affronted. If Julie Gillard is not also, five million women will. If Hewson, Peacock, Kennett, Greiner get no gong, and Cathy Freeman, and Ricky Ponting, it will be noted.

It is reasonably clear Rupert Murdoch is on the list (the Queen, who hates him, has refused him two knighthoods thus far), and it is payment for past help. It is certain, as with Lloyd George, that some with billions will buy, with the odd stray million, knighthoods hereinafter.

It is certain Sir Alan Jones will be tapped on each shoulder with a boomerang, or whatever, by 2016. It is certain Sir Tom Uren will cast off his new ribbon with disgust.

We have seen these distractions before. Just as the Hobart Labor Conference unveiled its education policy, Howard said no lesbian could have children by IVF because it was better a child not be born than live without a father. Menzies, facing electoral slaughter, announced in parliament that Evatt’s secretary was a Russian spy. Abbott, facing electoral slaughter now in Western Australia, is pulling this headline rabbit out of his top hat, white tie and tails.

But what he doesn’t get, I think, is how much money this will cost him. Capitalists craving knighthoods will curse him for not ennobling them and minimise their donations. Singo, Hadley, Grattan, Clive James (dying, deserving, monarchist), John Bell, Ita Buttrose, Jamie Packer, Gina Rinehart, Jeannie Little, will be in a snit. Abbott’s confessor Pell will be enraged. Nick Greiner, twice accused of corruption, will see it as betrayal.

Friends of Victor Chang, Fred Hollows and Slim Dusty will demand it be posthumous. Friends of Cathy Freeman and Adam Goodes will want an Aboriginal quota. Janette Howard will be on the phone already. Philip Adams will be asking, on LNL, why Gough Whitlam, Noel Pearson, Germaine Greer weren’t made the offer. Les Murray, who launched Tony’s book on the monarchy, will be very puzzled.

All the Australian Nobel Prize winners will find it illogical they were not considered. All the VC winners. All successful paralympians. The four-a-year rule will seem more and more stupid.

Still, Tony got what he wanted: a headline that overwhelmed the news that he was thieving two hundred and fifty dollars a year from the kids of dead and mutilated soldiers. He managed that, at least. He seemed less like a persecutor of children.

And more like Don Quixote de la Mancha, the knight of the woeful countenance, off on a quest for past chivalry that never was.

And after this, the deluge.

Leave a comment ?


  1. What can you say: Tony Abbott – our worst Prime Minister since Sir Billy McMahon, and with the ears to match.

  2. If you (the readership) go to Utube for the Abbott IPA speech and click down to the IPA list, you will find things exponentially less picaresque than at first glance..

    • Paul I couldn’t even if I wanted to. I feel sick enough as it is :neutral:

      • Meg, I wanted say that I’m not going anywhere LOOKING for that infantile man ,TA, I’m trying not see him, not to hear him, I want to be safe from him.

        The world must be laughing at us; we really are babes in the woods…

        • Don’t fret Helvi, the world is still too busy laughing at Francois Hollande to worry about us.

          • So what’s there to laugh; a man has/ had a mistress?

            I’m not laughing or crying, maybe the missus does…

          • The way Abbott announced reverting back to an imperial honours system provides an indication of his quaint ecclesiastical world view.

            Not a Cabinet decision, it was his very own brain fart, and in effect, as whimsical and as arbitrary, but highly calculated, as something the 15th Century French king Louis IV, might have done to confer grace on his subjects.

            Not the decision of a committee, one us left to wonder whether the four recipients of these awards will continue to be made at times politically suitable to the fortunes of Anthony John Abbott.

            • Everything he does has political intent. When is an iguana not an iguana?

              An ecclesiastical iguana?

            • Aint misbehavin

              No, the titles are ‘gifts’.
              That’s all.
              According to Helvi, a gift from Abbott to Bryce. A gift that Quentin Bryce, well-raised woman that she is, was too polite to refuse, according to Helvi, who knows about these matters.
              The poor Titled Woman will have this yoke on her frail shoulders forever, because she was polite.

              Australia’s in trouble!
              To whom can we look up? Not a “republican” woman; one who couldn’t say no to a title.

              Little wonder Meg is sad, ashamed and declaring herself a Finn, through sheer embarrassment when travelling.
              :roll: :roll:

        • Helvi we are just a big laughing stock with this government and it embarrasses me to no end. I am at the point where when I go abroad I want to say I am from another country. New Zealand is a much better place at the moment, so I might say that.

          • Meg, are you aware that the NZ Nationals (the right wing party) are now in power in NZ and that the NZ carbon tax is going or maybe gone. They don’t have a Senate so no problems there.

  3. I listened to Abbott yesterday and he made it quite clear he did not think Politicians would be appropriate recipients for such a gong, inasmuch that public service was reward enough in its self and is entered into voluntarily.

    On face value I would believe him, it stems from his convoluted sense of work and reward as well as his wiley political instinct to ensure the electorate do not see this as another rort or entitlement.

    I keep saying, forget Tony, his demise is to be found via the buffoons on his front bench.

    • “he did not think Politicians would be appropriate recipients for such a gong”

      Come off it All Thumbs, you can’t be that naive. The first thing is to get the gong in. Then you watch all toadies come out of the woodwork. Howard & Abbott have tried to introduce class distinction into everything they’ve ever touched. Private school, public schools. Changes to higher education to ensure the sandstone set can buy their children’s way in, no matter how dumb they are compared to the near perfect scores of little beavering blackheads.

      Never stand between a politician & a bucket of money, they say. Yes, well politicians wantng to curry political power & donations will be handing out gongs in return by the hundreds.

      These things will become the new Liberal Party badge of honour. Their equivalent to the Royal Order of the bloody Elephant, European royalty award one another as space fillers to impress the serfs.

      • Hugh, the first real test will be when it is offered to an ex Labor identity who accepts it, Martin Fergurson perhaps.

        But the diversion has worked.

        It also highlights to me a cabinet within cabinet or an isolated leader who may suffer from relevance deprivation and uses his “captain’s picks” to focus attention back on himself.

        Otherwise he just looks like the backup guy for Brandis or Hockey or Morrison or Joyce or Andrew Bolt for that matter, Abbott the understudy.

        I have no feeling that Abbott, (and before the election he said he would be the leader in an almost autocratic sense) is leading this Government.

        The Front Bench are off on an adventure all of their own, they don’t even send Tony postcards, PNG for instance.

  4. I suspect you are right Bob. Only last December Tony rejected the notion of bringing back Knights and Dames. He argued against it saying, “I just don’t think that’s realistic in this country.” No one saw it coming.

    So some time yesterday, Tony’s synapses shuddered and caught in the moment of trapping Quentin a committed Republican and her son in law wrong footed - he blurted it out suddenly.

    Sir Pository of all Wisdom. My Tony.

    • He did say he watched Downton Abbey, Frank.

      Sir Pository is brilliant.

      • “Sir Pository Abbott and the Knaves of the Formica Table.”

        Franks a plagiarist. The above from Independent media.

        Frank… You’re a tricker.

        • Phill, next week, Tony is bringing back pounds, shillings and pence. We don’t want any of that fangled new age decimal currency. Tony is bringing back Imperial measures too. Road distances will be shorter under the Libs.

          Tony has decreed that war widows will get threepence a fortnight.

          Farthings will be re-introduced for work for the dole recipients.

          Halfpenny endowments for orphans. However, unwed mothers will be sent off to the nuns to keep the Catholic system running given all their recent legal trouble.

          • Frank…Never a truer word said in jest.

            Not only is he going to bring back all that you have listed, but he is going to reverse the findings of medical research.

            He is going to start an advertising blitz and claim smoking is harmless.

            That asbestos is just another harmless building product.

            He is going to tell the Australian people man did not land on the moon.

            He is going to make church on Sundays a compulsory attendance. I will be commissioned to teach people like you the tambourine.

            Finally Abbott will be followed to Lake Burley Griffin by throngs of homeless, where he will feed them with five loaves and two fishes.

            But on a serious note. You know deep down in your very soul, Tony Abbott is a squeezer,. I have not as yet researched what qualifies one to be a Rhodes Scholar. But in any case, I will apply my good self where I am sure I will pass what ever criteria is required, with honours.

            This P.M. is deranged. I am not a psychologist, but what I am is street savvy, and I can tell from this mans demeanour, he is not only a bully, he is as nutty as the finest fruit cake.

            He has been expert in promoting his image as an action man, the reality is, this piece of work couldn’t punch his way out of a wet paper bag.

            But carry on Frank…

          • He’ll still only be worth 19 shillings and 11 pence.

          • Frank, last week my wife and I walked the Milford Track in NZ. What a wonderful country NZ is and the people are lovely - just like us. Of course we took the guided walk which meant tramping by day through sublimely beautiful terrain to be greeted by a hot shower, three course meals and champagne every evening flown in by helicopter. The “free” walkers along the track humping their heavy packs mocked us incessantly. We smiled and greeted them cordially but by the third day we had to hold our nose as they shouldered by. My point is that the track is marked by mile posts!

            Like feet and inches and British Thermal Units, the mile is a human dimension based on a human’s stride, not too long, not too short. I support it’s recall and many of my green friends do too.

    • Frank you are a wordsmith. Sir Pository !!! Perfect. Love your input and your exchange with JS yesterday.

      Allthumbs: I agree. Forget Tony.

    • Frank you are a wordsmith. Sir Pository !!! Perfect. Love your input and your exchange with JS yesterday.
      Allthumbs: I agree. Forget Tony.

    • Perhaps he just grew sick of being nagged by Janette Howard.

  5. Howard will get one prior to the next election.

    Abbott may have said ‘not for pollies’ but abbott has also told us we can’t trust what abbott says.

    Besides which they could always claim it was for services to cricket or arms dealers or something.

    • I cannot recall ever seen one awarded with a citation saying because he gave $500,000 to the Liberal Party.

      “Services to the (business) community”, is the usual line.

      On that basis Rebecca, we can expect Paul Ramsay (Ramsay private hospitals) get his for services to medical profiteering & Dick Honan (ethanol) get his for services to (greatest con job ever perpertated on) the environment.

      Those two have been the biggest individual donors to the Liberal Party, ever since their mate Howard’s rise to opposition leader before 1997.

  6. Suerly Peta Credlin and the rest of the Strategy Team wouldn’t be so transparent?

  7. Rupert must be apoplectic - he is an American citizen and therefore ineligible - or can Abbott find a way round this and ignore the established protocols that he doesn’t agree with.

  8. This knighthood may well have a benefit in gaining donations, but its greatest and neediest recipient, one who has craved it more than anyone else on the planet is the nerdy,needy attention seeking John Howard. Abbott will give it to a few others to disguise the fact that his single motivation will be to give little Johnny one. What a disgraceful scam and offence to the Australian people.

  9. Nothing more perfectly exposes the Liberal/National pollies and corporatocracts deep craving for a Victorian England class system and inequitable redistribution of wealth upward to the top 1% of the top 1% of the top 1% than that they be called Sir or Dame Bunyip with all the protocols, kneeling, bowing etc. currently reserved for our monarchy anachronisms of Governor-Generals and state Governors.

    The more “humane” of these shiny new Sir and Dame Bunyips will then endow special dispensations to a few boot-licking commoners with wtte: Oh, please just call me Rupert. Or Gina. Or Alan. Or Andrew (historical footnote: Lord Jones’ and Lord Bolt’s gongs will be for noble sacrifices in the restoration of Australia’s freedom of any speech that others might misconstrue as coming from a misogynist or bigot).

  10. Don’t know if New Zealand’s own Russell Crowe has become an Aussie citizen yet, but he outed himself a decade ago:

    “I never thought I would say it, but I’m actually a monarchist and I think Elizabeth has done a bloody wonderful job.” (2003)

    Arise, Sir Russell of Locksley!

    • I can see it coming, dear Ernest:
      Sir Russell of Redfern, knighted with the Royal Order of the Rabbott, for services to the medical research…….. contributing to the supply of brain damaged boofheads.

  11. Don’t know if Monarchist Mel Gibson’s Irish citizenship or NIDA Diploma will qualify him, but he’s made a good start on a knighthood for his noble sacrifices in the restoration of freedom of any speech that others might misconstrue as a drunken, anti-semitic rant.

    • Well he has made films for the Vatican. So Gearge will probably recommend him, from luxurious exile in Rome.

    • No, you’re wrong about Mel. His agent, cameraman, film editor and co-producer are Jewish, and so was the girl he chose — out of a thousand actresses available — to play the Virgin Mary.

      It is likely the few things he said while drunk to some LA cops were misreported.

      • I included the word “drunken” to make it clear I made no assertion that Mr. Gibson was anti-semitic, just that it was an exercise of free speech to make a anti-semitic rant. His words were not misreported, as Mel not only admitted them in public, but Clinton-like, went asked Rabbi’s to help him go through a healing path, given his genuine remorse.

        August 1, 2006

        “There is no excuse, nor should there be any tolerance, for anyone who thinks or expresses any kind of Anti-Semitic remark. I want to apologize specifically to everyone in the Jewish community for the vitriolic and harmful words that I said to a law enforcement officer the night I was arrested on a DUI charge.

        I am a public person, and when I say something, either articulated and thought out, or blurted out in a moment of insanity, my words carry weight in the public arena. As a result, I must assume personal responsibility for my words and apologize directly to those who have been hurt and offended by those words.

        The tenets of what I profess to believe necessitate that I exercise charity and tolerance as a way of life. Every human being is God’s child, and if I wish to honor my God I have to honor his children. But please know from my heart that I am not an anti-Semite. I am not a bigot. Hatred of any kind goes against my faith.

        I’m not just asking for forgiveness. I would like to take it one step further, and meet with leaders in the Jewish community, with whom I can have a one on one discussion to discern the appropriate path for healing.”

  12. The Pope..The Queen…Rupert.. and Australia runs a distant fourth.. how the fuck has this come to pass..

  13. Quentin Bryce’s acceptance of the first gong has been critical to Abbott doing this.

    She, a self proclaimed Australian republican has betrayed all of us by being Abbott’s sop. She is his token “other sider”. And she must know it.

    If QB had refused, I doubt Abbott would have proceeded. However, the man is a snake & he’s prepared to do anything to keep reporting of his dirty political deeds off the front page.

    • She had about five minutes to decide and refusal, on that, her last day of office, was not an option politically. She was ambushed, harassed, held down and wedged.

    • Having accepted the vice-regal appointment as the monarch’s representative back in 2009 and having continued in that role for five years the GG could hardly have declined the “honor” of the same monarch’s recognition proposed by TAbbott even though it was such an obvious veil to disguise the innappropriate award to the retired general officer yet to be sworn in and yet to serve as GG and that itself a thinly veiled disguise for the obvious award to the war criminal Howard

  14. Con Job

    Since the nineteen forties, Australia ceased being a colonial possession of the British and became a colonial possession of the Wall Street imperialist war profiteers via their CIA - thru its Congress for Cultural Freedom front and the local IPA franchise cut out.

    What about abolishing the Australian senate and replacing it with an Australian House of Lords before April 5 so we in the west can be spared the indignity of having to vote for the senate again because Rupert and his wealthy American gang of mafiosi didn’t like the way we voted in September - what about a search for the 1300-1600 lost votes when the search for MH370 winds down? Somebody must know what happened to the ballot papers. Somebody stole them and hid them somehow. The coverup is being concealed by the crooks.

    It would be more honest of the TAbbott to award Presidential Medals of Honor to eminent Australians. The British awards are not a sufficient recognition of high achievement in a world dominated by the neoliberal American hegemon.

    The war criminal Howard must be pleased that he will soon be honored. Perhaps Lord of the Cinq Opium Ports like the pig iron PM. The stink and filth will still cling to him.

    We might as well capitulate now and recognize Australia’s spectacular decline, our loss of nationhood and our relegation to the status of a mere municipal backwater with less status than any of the other fifty odd united states of America and Puerto Rico.

    Our sovereignty has been betrayed by Murdoch and his puppet.

    This is the new wild west from sea to shining sea – from the Pacific to the Indian.

    Australia was good while it lasted.
    Goodbye Waltzing Matilda - hello Yankee doodle dandy.

    Uncle Sam is here to stay
    Fy’all don’t like it
    go away
    This land is our land
    From California to Rottnest Island
    From the Gulf Stream Waters to the Daintree Forest
    This land was made for US.

    • Abbott can flit on his griddle, hot toes Tony can dance, he can speak in stereo, he can wave his arms around as much as he likes but there are two things he cannot influence, being the US economy and the drought.

      Not even if Abbott succeeds in removing the little red helmet and replacing it with a Queen’s Guards’ busby (modified for the ears) and appearing so at the annual parliamentarians’ ball, on the back of a black horse, rearing high to shrill Grecian trumpets blasting - none of this obfuscation will bring rain, or change the US dollar.

      He is as powerless as you or I.

    • Mal,
      Thank you for the considerable amount of time and thought which are necessary to write such a long comment. You are one of the many intelligent contributors who make it well worth reading this blog everyday, regardless of whether I agree with your arguments.

      • Lest the jeering ones be moved to intrude I will say as succintly as possible how rare are the positive reflections on our excercising here of free speech which you routinely do so commendably H13.

        We are fortunate to be able to share our varied views here on Table Talk and to demonstrate our gratitude

  15. The politician will line up like pigs to the “trough” for this honour. Enough money will “get whomever wants one just grease my pocket” a title. Disgusting

  16. Dishonourable

  17. Joh
    fittingly dropped his outside the palace in the mud

  18. I saw a bit about this last night on 7.30 and I just had to sigh. Then there was a story about letting the bigots back into our national conversation by repealing section C of the Discrimination Act. What on earth is going on ? :neutral:

    • To keep my sanity, I have to joke about all this, but it’s really sad that the country’s PM wants to take this place back to the dark ages.

      We should not allow TA to travel overseas, he is a too big embarrassment for Oz.

      Where’s the straight jacket…

      • I wish I could laugh more :cry:

        • Aint misbehavin

          Poor you.
          I’m laughing.
          Excuses being made here for QBie?? :shock: :shock: Wow
          It was her last day/she didn’t have time /they made her take it/she could hardly decline - oh yes she could.
          What a joke. A colossal joke.
          Bad enough to have these ridiculous titles back with us - but excuses are made for a woman who should’ve said no.

          Oh well, maybe it’s true - she was held down and gagged. Hahaha.

          Poor thing; poor thin thing.
          A title forced on her.
          The horror
          Poor republican .. and all

  19. You guys are all heroes. So much spleen emitted, keep some for the big fight when it gets here, you’re going to win!

  20. Can anyone clarify for me as to whether the Opposition can ask questions of itself during Question time?

    • It can, I think.

      And I don’t know why they don’t do it.

      • Exactly, why the hell aren’t they doing this?

        If it is to do with convention, then Bronywn Bishop has blown that to smithereens.

        They could use this tactic to explore a range of topics. Make a whole range of accusations, launch policy initiatives, make observations, clarify facts, expose lies.

        They should do it. Especially their reps from W.A.

  21. If Knighthoods are going to be doled out to incoming GG’s what would Hollingworth have had to do with his after resigning in the circumstances he did?

  22. Ever wonder what happened to the hundreds of millions we gave to Saddam and his minions via the Wheat? Did that go to the grave when we helped kill him? Or will we see a Sir Fishnets and a Sir Eyebrows as a reward for keeping shtum?

  23. Damien English

    My wife, originally from Trinidad, remarked today, of the planned changes to the racial discrimination laws, that it reminded her of the “No Blacks, No Dogs, No Irish” signs!

    • Damien English

      Oops - wrong article - not sure how that happened. I will re-post on the proper one :roll:

      • Abbot has lost it
        He has no political cunning like Howard
        This was something he promised to do with the likeminded monarchists if elected. Extremely poor judgement that will stick in the voters minds just how out of touch this government is

        • shad, I think that he comes across as someone ‘pretending’ to be the PM, and Hockey is the same, full of put-on anger, there nothing real an genuine about Abbott and his helpers..
          Also when I saw Pell today, there was nothing compassionate about him, hard and cold, again not a man in a right job.

        • Abbott has not lost it. He never had anything.

  24. I have just received the telegram and now I am wrestling in my mind with whether I will follow Quentin’s lead and accept.

    An invitation that was completely out of the blue. Problems abound. I will have to find a suit from somewhere rather than shorts, torn t-shirt and thongs. I am also wondering whether I can rise from the cushioned footrest in dignity, without falling over in my grace moment.

    I didn’t know that Tony Abbott knew of me, let alone my many contributions to society. He is either a man of great benevolence, given all the unkind things I have said and written about him, or there has been some dreadful mistake. If the latter, I fear her majesty will be deeply shocked, perhaps mortally.

    Of course, if I do accept, I like Quentin and Peter will have to cope all the candid comments and contempt, to be given legal imprimatur by the Attorney-General.

    What do you advise?

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