As I Please: The April Primates Poem

Attend the fate of Anna Bligh,
Lately weeping, ‘Why, oh why?’
Who had stood in muddy jeans,
Four foot high, and full of beans,

Like a fighting Pekinese,
Muddy water to her knees,
Crying, ‘We are Queenslanders!’
Ah, what foolish pride was hers.

Queenslanders, it turns out, folks,
Up north, where the cane toad croaks,
Don’t like leaders who are human,
Preferring Sergeant Major Newman:

Hup, two, three, four, at the double,
Short, bald, shrieking, full of trouble,
Friend of coal and foe of solar,
Breakfasting on fried koala,

He will show to his grass roots
A reign much like the late Canute’s:
The seas will rise, the Reef decay,
The talent howl and run away,

The red dust blow, the cyclones flail,
Sir Terry Lewis emerge from gaol,
Whilst he yet shouts,’Hup, two three four’,
The cane toads chorus, ‘Nevermore’,

The bright fish die, the floods increase,
And lunatics on day release
Pray loud to God, to no avail,
‘Let this cup pass!’ It won’t. Wassail.

  1. Bob, the weather has improved tremendously since we got rid of Bligh. Explain that? Magnificent weather since Campbell took over here in Queensland. I’m not normally superstitious but I think God must a NLP supporter. A good omen.

    • Perhaps God is an NLP supporter. : “The founders of NLP, Richard Bandler and John Grinder, say that NLP is capable of addressing problems such as phobias, depression, habit disorder, psychosomatic illnesses, and learning disorders.”

      But perhaps you meant LNP?

      It was often the strategy to kill the king to break a drought or end a plague; how long before Newman is up for crucifixion? Give him a few months for the reality of incumbency to set in.

    • Bob, I remember the same thing happened when Howard lost his seat, the long drought broke if you recall.

  2. Frank, to be frank,it’s the other way round, NLP is a God supporter.

  3. Excellent Ellis. The sentiments are so well put, and I’m glad to see you’ve recovered your sense of humour over the Qld debacle.

    BTW, I wish them all the joy of ‘breakfasting on fried koala’ - not even the Aborigines could stomach the eucalyptus flavour of the beast.

    And ‘solar’ does not rhyme with ‘Koala’ - is that touche?

    Be warned, I may wax lyrical later on . . .

    • Shades of Hanrahan peeking through here, as the ghost of John O’Brien is channelled, obliquely. Terrific stuff…

      What was it that the old fish said, as he swam past the juvenile flippers… ‘how’s the water, boys?’

      We’re immersed, and embedded in language, and perhaps we rarely pause to reflect on the mystery of its origins. That a set of social & political events gives rise to this series of images, for example.

  4. ………..And then she quit

    It was Auberon Waugh who wanted fried koala.

  5. Upon a time in Queensland, she of open mines,
    Was great election held, a coronation of sorts,
    Whereby the will of the people so inclines
    The rule of Bligh it peremptorily aborts;

    Thereupon stood forth the Messiah mightily,
    Of Newman sort was he, I pledge to all
    we will conduct ourselves with humility
    grace and dignity. We will work for all

    Queenslanders, regardless of their vote,
    “We’re determined that Queenslanders will
    walk tall.” Or at least as tall as he. Unquote.
    And so it goes and will be going still.
    And so it probably goes, until the dread bite
    of reality hits the camelot dreams, by fall of night.


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