The Three Worst Things The Liberals Did Yesterday (4)

Out of the least mysterious air crash since Napoleonic times (plane over war zone suddenly changes altitude, gunner panics, shoots it down) Abbott sought to spin a tale of lengthening horror and suspense. It may be months, he told the bereaved, before we know what happened, or bury at last the remains of the dead. He sent Julie Bishop off to New York to ‘campaign’ for an open, international inspection of the crash site, achieving this in the UN Security Council despite the veto of China, who thought her a ‘complete fool’, and Russia, who found Abbott’s McCarthyist rush to judgment ‘unacceptable’. She took off in a warlike mood, promising a long, hard fight, but Russia agreed to everything while she was in the air.

Campbell Newman then threatened to deny the pleasures of Brisbane to the world’s most powerful man, Vlad Putin, unless he grovelled in several ways. Six hours later he lost a byelection by the largest swing in Queensland history. Duplicated federally, it would lose the Coalition eighty-seven seats, leaving them with three. Abbott, Hockey, Morrison, Pyne, both Bishops, Dutton, Hunt, Roy, Turnbull, would be among the members mulched in mid-career.

Abbott, having wasted half a billion dollars looking for MH370, resolved to spend half a billion more on Malaysian Airways’ previous manifest incompetence, finding them a more deserving target of Australian largesse than every Australian schoolkid, despite their having by their organisational fuckwittedness killed forty blameless Australians thus far.

Abbott struck a Churchillian pose, promising ‘justice for the dead, and closure for the living’, this closure to be delayed by many, many months while experts examined the remains of the deceased, for what information it is hard to say. He thought it worth threatening the nation that won World War 2 with international humiliation in Brisbane and giving the co-culprit, Malaysia, buckets of money to further explore their last big, mortal mistake.

And so it goes.

Leave a comment ?


  1. Least mysterious? You yourself have written some batshit crazy theories about it on here, including that Putin wanted to shoot down gays.

    Give it a rest Roberto.

    • Why is it mysterious? What is unknown?

      The Putin theory was, as I said in mentioning it, a low jest.

      Please answer this.


      • It was low, I’ll give you that. Even when you preach to the choir that is the coven of acolytes that cavort here, you can’t help but to take low shots.

        • Nice language by the way, especially for an intellectual like yourself.

        • Byrne baby – some of us who have the capacity for abstract thought can take bob’s darker musings in the sense in which they were intended. It must be tiring living a life of constant literalism. If you cant take the occassional riff for what it is then maybe your time would be better spent arguing with a suburban newsagent.

          • Byrne: Your hostility to universities – (ie, education) – and to intellectuals – def: “individuals possessing a great capacity for thought and knowledge” explains why you support the coalition.

  2. At 30,000 feet, ms Bishop has begun first draft of the first page of the first chaper of her memoirs, working title “Jet Hag Monologues”

    Abbott thinks he has found his Bin Laden, his Qaddafi, his Hussein, in Putin. A huge gamble. The missile that downed this plane was launched from a BUK system,which the Ukranians have used for a long time, and the rebels include defectors from the Ukraine army. But Tony knows Putin pushed the button. We hsave our demon.

    This is a dangerous world at the moment, full of conflagrations, and compost heaps about to spontaneously combust. Generals of a dozen armies are tossing in their beds. But Peta has told Tony this is your get out of jail free card – greeting the bodybags at dawn airports, hugging the ‘loved ones’ , lots of funerals to go to, lots of flags, lots of front pages.

    • That unfortunately is all true.

      We are slowly spiralling into the abyss, nothing can stop it. The cast is set. Not long now.

    • “The Jet Hag Monologues” sounds about right.

      No-one would be bothered reading it unless she can spice it up with details of a gang bang in Cabinet.


    • Only one problem with that theory. The rebels don’t have access to a BUK system. The TASS news agency reported that the day after the Ukrainian Interior Minister said that they did. It was confirmed by the Ukraine military. The only other missile they have that could do it would be the S300 and most of those are still out of commission, under repair.

      As far as Abbott is concerned, he’s very rapidly heading for international ignominy. He’ll be seen as an irrelevancy and a flip. Someone you hear in passing but don’t bother to listen to.

  3. Jennifer Meyer-Smith

    Abbott would be wise not to make the tragedy of MH17 into a political football.

    He would also be wise to remember the people at home, who could be dying slow unremarkable deaths of deprivation on seriously reduced welfare services.

    Great to see the cracks growing in Campbell Newman’s castle. All the ugly LNP strongholds are crumbling. Not long now for you Abbott!

    • thought my self read in msm young lady losing DSP because she is deaf and one yesterday a young lady with bone cancer wheel chair bound did not qualify for DSP

  4. Tis a glorious day indeed in fair Brisbane this morning. The sun is shining, the birds are singing, and Newman is phuqed.

    • no one word in the papers where i live

    • And the temperature plummets after the carbon tax goes. Conclusive proof that climate change is a lie.

      You are a puppet.

      • A lie?
        How can it be a lie now that the Liberal party is on board?

        Best check your puppeteer Byrne.

      • Not sure how you managed that intellectual contortion from a comment about Campbell Newman’s pissant LNP government losing another seat in Queensland, to an ignoramus comment about climate change. Did you read from the wrong troll cheat sheet?

        • @ Martha – Labor won Stafford with an 18.6% swing. Nice, huh? ALP’s Anthony Lynham secured 61.5 per cent of the vote after preferences, in the biggest swing at a Queensland by-election since changes were made to the electoral act in 1992.

      • Temperature plummets Byrne because its winter.

        • But hot summers are due to climate change?

          • Byrne, you’re confusing weather and climate. Weather is short-term and highly unpredictable. Climate is long term and highly predictable. Also, the conjunction of the repeal of a tax on pollution and a cool day that came afterwards isn’t evidence that one caused the other, it’s just correlation, a type of connection associated with ritual, magical-thinking, and bad science.

  5. You don’t know how to waste a word. It was bloody beaut to read your barbed opinions in Nation Review. I particularly liked your, “never let the world forget the stupidity of your enemies,” which I used once or twice. Keep it up.

  6. bit rich to suggest Bronwyn Bishop is at “mid-career”… (I hope!)

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