Joe And The Numeracy Gene

The increasing strangeness of Joe Hockey…

He’s now said — accurately, I’m sure — that each of us works a month each year to support another person, and it’s wrong we should do that.

But that person might be our mother-in-law. Or she might be our mother. Or she might be our disabled cousin. Or our daughter, qualifying for a music degree on a scholarship our taxes pay for. Or it might be our old demented dad in a state subsidised nursing home. It would be one of these, for sure.

And what is wrong with this? He thinks our relatives are undeserving, and his relatives, who get millions from his wife, are ‘entitled’.

Why is Joe so dumb? Some theorists believe anaesthetic brain damage during his stomach reduction, or during the fight, long ago, in which Tony Abbott broke his jaw. But others think he may simply lack the numeracy gene. Some do, it is a well-known medical fact, and he is showing the symptoms.
A numerate person would note as well, though Joe does not, that we work four months of the year to enrich our landlord; a fortnight each year to enrich, with Foxtel payments, newspaper subscriptions and tickets to Fox movies, Rupert Murdoch; ten days a year to pay the salaries of Liberal MPs we didn’t vote for. And he does not find this unfair. No: he calls this contributing to the good of our civilisation, as fair-go Australians do, and should.

But he seems, on the face of it, himself not to be a fair-go Australian. He is a dog-eat-dog eye-for-an-eye Middle Easterner, or so it would seem, and he does not understand the country he is in, the one where bushfire fighters risk their lives to save their neighbour’s property, and strangers donate their kidneys to people they have never met, as a nice woman did to Mark Colvin.

And, worse than that, he cannot even add.

He does not ‘get’ that refusing 150 million a year to the motor industry will cost him, in lost revenue after 2016, about two and a half billion a year; and, in unemployment benefits he must pay to half of the 250,000 workers in the car industry and in tributary industries he ruined by daring Holden to go away, a further one and a half billion a year. Which means no surplus before, oh, 2035, when I will be ninety-three.

Let me repeat that. To save himself 150 million a year, he has cost himself four billion a year.

And he doesn’t get any of that. He can’t add. He literally can’t add. He lacks the numeracy gene. He really does. And he should, along with Andrews — who thinks driving young people to suicide is good economics — be psychiatrically tested.

Perhaps the Senate could move he be sent away for those tests.

He is now whingeing about the Budget not getting through. He didn’t see this coming. He thought his unAustralian budget would be embraced by Australians. He’s as dumb as that.

He’s as dumb as that.

And it’s a pity.

Leave a comment ?


  1. I would love to think you are embellishing/exaggerating. I feat you may not be; and fear strikes my heart. And we only have PUPies standing in his way, from this vantage point. But things may change.
    Would also like to think the populace who bought their mindless poplulism are just in shock, for the moment. And every time they think of a protest, or something else they can do about it, yet another travesty that they hatched in uncovered.

  2. And he hasn’t noticed that one person would have to work 10 years on the average annual wage of $45,000 to pay to jail one person on Manus Island and Nauru. Or 24 years on Christmas Island.

  3. Add the veracity gene as well.

    Jibberish Joe the Bethlehem Babbler wants us to believe the “leaners” are sinking the Love Boat that is the Australian Utopia.

    Yet research shows that in 2001 23 per cent of people aged 18 to 64 had received welfare payments each week and a decade later that had fallen sharply to 18.5 per cent.

    There has also been a big drop in the percentage of working age households where more than 90 per cent of their income came from welfare. In 2001 that accounted for 7.1 per cent of households while a decade later it was just 4.8 per cent.

    Can’t count, sure can lie, can’t go to heaven now.

    Read more:

  4. The gap between the rich and poor in Australia is growing and the most affluent are not paying enough tax, according to a survey by the Oxfam charity.

    Here’s more stats for Joe to chew on, when he’s taking a dump on his swedish toilet.

    The report found the wealthiest 1 per cent of Australians have more money than 60 per cent of the population.It found the nine richest people in Australia have a fortune that equates to the bottom 20 per cent of the country.

    Well, fuck me, how long has this been going on?

    Read more:

    • I missed your post this morning Dali, and replicated your feelings below.

      Hockey and Co. are not interested in “how long this has been going on” but on how much longer they can keep it going according to the permutations of the Babbage Difference Calculating machine.

  5. And despite the humiliating defeat of a gastric band, admission of his total weakness regarding self-decipline, he persists in telling millions of pensioners to tighten their belts.

    Meanwhile his weight’s ballooning again. What next for undisciplined, overly entitled Joe.

    • Hopefully he’ll go the way of Mr Creosote (the meaning of life) and eat one after dinner mint too many.

  6. I wouldn’t use Joe to block a drain or even to wipe my arse. In fact if Joe was dying of thirst I would give him the steam off my shit to drink.

  7. I wouldn’t use Joe to block a drain or even to wipe my arse. In fact if Joe was dying of thirst I wouldn’t give him the steam off my shit to drink.

    • Now you’re talking’ like a Liberal. :wink:
      Atta boy!

      • Exactly Frankness….yeah….gosh..! It’s gotten to me…I think dog tastes good. What the hell is wrong with dog.? Frank I appreciate you being here you know. You get plenty of stick and you are a sport about it. The Libs tho are a bunch of small time hucksters who don’t have much of a plan past emulating their small biz for the most part parents. I want better than what they think say and do.

  8. There are really two Budgets. One which exists mainly in Joe’s imagination, but has as its headline a number of mean and tricky cuts impacting on the vulnerable.

    The other Budget is the real one, largely constructed by Treasury, and which is big spending upon a number of pet schemes close to the Looters Party’s hip pockets (I was going to say ‘hearts’ but I doubt they have figurative organs of that sort).

    The ‘heavy lifting’ of the Real Budget is done by indexing.

    Schemes that were indexed to wages are now indexed to prices. Wages indexes are expected to rise; prices indexes not much.

    Of course, if they are wrong in their predictions . . .

    . . . the whole Budget strategy will fall over. But not for a couple of years, ie past the next election.

    They actually hope to be re-elected! LOL

  9. I work for between four and six hours a week as a volunteer. That’s around one-and-half months each year. I’m leaning towards cutting back.

  10. Nigel Stanley

    I am sorry you were wrong about Tony but you did give me some hope. Maybe the next 10 days might bring something nice happening in Canberra.

    • I don’t think ‘wrong’ is the word you are after. My take is that it was an exercise in positive thinking.

      Worth a try.

  11. It is reported in The Age this morning that the nine richest individuals in Australia have the equivalent fortune of the bottom twenty per cent.

    Hockey is damn fucking right about Class Warfare. Those are numbers that even the dyscalculian Hockey can understand.

    Joe should be tested immediately.

      • What a perfect illustration of the New Order that has been foisted on the citizens of a once egalitarian society.

        This is not just about Princess Frances and her phony $60k scholarship from her dad’s mates, or how Princess Frances the Independent is exempt from the laws of contractual obligation which are each and everyday being enforced by courts and tribunals, regardless of the consequences on the losing party.

        This is about the new ruling class saying “we know how obvious we are in our arrogance, but a Big Juicy Fuck to you all, because we rule, end of story.”

        There is nothing in the press about the reasons used by VCAT to deviate from the normal application of the law, which for you or I would routinely require forfeiture of the bond and damages for loss of rent.

        Get ready for the Abbette Defence from now on.

        • Yes, Dali. I was staggered that the bright, bushy-tailed Glammo Abbette had the talent and brains to get a scholarship no-one else possibly could, but didn’t have the talent and brains to check security issues – discreetly – before she signed a lease. Du-uh, and double du-uh.

          New Order indeed.

          And make no mistake, the LNP hyenas are out for the most they can get in the shortest possible time, and screw the rest of Australia.

          If I could plow an old field: Howard created contemporary Australia, and Abbott is his anointed heir.

    • allthumbs – has anyone calculated how many weeks we work each year to replace the taxes that these nine richest avoid/evade/don’t/never/have never paid?

    • If it is caused by alcohol abuse, then acalculia is the proper term. In any case, Joe almost certainly has brain damage.

  12. Joe Hockey can’t even do spin well.

    The many volunteers throughout our community give many hours and don’t count them.

    It is worthwhile to support, through taxes, others down on their luck, we have all been there.

  13. Joe is a weak man. He is not driven by any need or necessity. He’s driven by an ideological obsession, egged on by a cheer squad of irrational publicity seekers, infected with small dick disease. They need to prove to their US urgers they really do have balls as big as any US college jock. Joe is the innumerate fool, pushed out front by his supporters, back slapped & encouraged to strut like il Duce. An absurd, pitiful clown, masquerading as treasurer. Joe lives in a fantasy world, believing the image of himself he sees in the mirror each day. He revels in his role.

    For years in opposition, affable Joe sweated his way through almost daily interviews, answering ‘Dorothy Dixers’ from Murdoch’s puppets, sprouting numbers pluck from the air with no basis in fact & got away with it. Where were the questions & challenges to Joe’s lies from the likes of Ross Gittens & other financial commentators back then? Joe got away with bullshit then; he still thinks he can get away with it now.
    Meanwhile, Corrman, Bernadi, Coibo & the rest of the Tea Party gang of new age Fascists plot their dictatorship of Australia, happy to see fat boy out in front, strutting like the clown he is. If anyone is to take the fall, Joe’s the man for the job.

    • Hugh, you have inspired the minting of a new term:

      Bureauphilia – the love of high office, a condition which compels the sufferer to occupy positions for which they have neither the qualifications or the aptitude. Symptoms include gluttony, involuntary dance-like spasms in the room, perpetual perspiration and acalculia.

      There is no known treatment, sysyems persist until removal from office.

      • Well labelled Dali.

        I’m sure there’s a market out there for a dancing, strutting Joe doll, microphone in hand singing “I’m a bureaupile”, in the manner of the Gummi Bear song.

  14. Actually Bob I think you are placing too much importance on Joe’s heritage. His mother is Australian and his father moved here in 1946. I think his policies stem from the fact that he is the son of a merchant who understood the tax system, sent him to a private school and was returned a shallow arrogant,selfish,university bound plod with an inflated opinion of his own intellect.

    • So, Hockey ran for the presidency of Sydney University’s Student Representative Council in 1987 by offering free beer!

      Ecce Homo

  15. Mr Ellis – what’s your relationship like with the SMH? I would dearly love to see some of your pieces reprinted in the Comment section … especially this one … all the better to reach a wider audience.

    • I have been fired by Fairfax eight times.

      I lately wrote for them a review of Carr’s book. And one, as yet unpublished, of the one on Don Dunstan.

  16. Heard the latest?

    They want to cut the wages of the cleaners at parliament house.

    This government has lost the plot.

    • Let Joe push a broom around, might take the pressure off the gastric band.

    • And the gardener’s position currently advertised for the Lodge specifically states, ‘terrorists need not apply’

      What the result would have been if they hadn’t slipped that caveat into the position description?

      The Punchbowl & Lakemba bruvvers passing the hat around to fund the purchase of some secateurs and bib ‘n brace overalls and send Habib to Canberra on a mission?

    • Even better, King Col’s government wants to charge disabled motorists a $2.00 fee to park in disabled car bays at train stations. Seriously, WHAT THE FUCK is wrong with these people? I apologise for the capital letters but this is just getting to the farcical.

  17. Such Grubs…I think that’s how you spell it ??

  18. Well its all about Ayn Rand and Calvinism, that these Liberal filth and their small business and corporate supporters, think they are so superior and greater than all the rest of the country put together and that any assistance is just a waste and a hindrance. There has never been any such thing as “free markets” in any case, modern and ancient economies were created by monarchical and imperial governments setting up banks and roads and trade and then industry and technology. These brain dead nit wits, these tea bagger morons and Liberal Party far right economic illiterates don’t know anything about history, or economics or human nature. Joe Hockey is a twit ideologue; he has no idea about real economies or jobs or industry or manufacturing.

    • … and he’s Federal Treasurer. :shock:
      ‘Gawd ‘elp us’ (PJK)

    • The thing is, Richelieu II, I think they know perfectly well that ‘free markets’ are no such thing, and how global economies really work.

      I think they are blowing smoke; manipulating stupid people with fear and blather, filling the shops with enough glittering cheap Chinese imports to give them a feeling of being ‘relaxed and comfortable’ while they line their own and others’ pockets in the shortest possible time.

      I think that’s where the sinister truth lies: not that they are incompetent fools, but that they’re very, very smart.

      • Two points: The garden hose and the roll of toilet paper.

        Once upon a time there was your joe average green garden hose. It functioned well enough, often for years without so much as a problem. Then the reputable company was taken over by a Chinese company and suddenly a very similar looking garden house replaced the old reliable one but the new one developed multiple kinks the minute water went through it, it was hopeless, totally frustrating to the home gardener. And the plastic couplings, what a joke.

        Similar story for the roll of toilet paper. It was an old reliable firm that had made and marketed the product for years, aeons, it was slightly expensive but it had extra good quality, absorbent and easily biodegradable, ideal for septic systems. Along came Mr Chinaman and took over the company and bingo, same packaging, same exterior appearance, but fuck, its tissue thin, your fingers goes right up you arse and it was a rough night with lashings of quality red wine and garrrrlick and Moroccan pastries – sweet ladies fingers, for desert.

        So you soon learn, after such a riveting experience, to fold the paper – over and over, about twenty times before the thickness standard of the old Aussie quality days are reached.

        Just two items – randomly selected out of thousands. The Chinese formula is simple – target an established foreign (Australian) company and then redesign the product, cleverly, so it apes the old product in appearance only – it is mean spirited, unAustralian way of doing business and yes, this fraudulent behaviour is on the increase under the tacky, rather kitsch, head in the sand government of ours.

        Finally, where is consumer protection?

        In a dark mood Australia could be encouraged to place every broken Chinese product, from toilet brush to motorcar, from faded-in-one-wash garment to fucked mobile phone – all in one giant heap, an Uluru of the South, a world art statement to make Christo shiver.

        • Don’t get me started on bent tines on gardening forks, Chris.
          Apart from regarding the object as nothing more than the by-product of profit, the manufacturers now seem more than happy to increase that profit by producing mere facsimiles of the object.

          • I’ve lost count of the household items BB has thrown across the yard, table, kitchen, workshop … the latest is an igniting thingummy for the fireplace that worked twice.

            But we’re all relaxed and comfortable, right?

            • An indication of consumerism gone bonkers, is a council verge pick up.

              Thousands of items still serviceable destined for the dump.

              I have never seen, as in the last pick up in our area, so many children’s bikes with nothing wrong with them.

              I picked a petrol generator put petrol in it, and it started and worked.


        • Good post Chris.

          I related to your woe with garden hose and trying to wipe your arse through non compliant thin sheets of piss-weak Chinese toilet paper.

          Its a curly one that leaves you washing your hands for ages to free yourself from shit. Especially under the finger nails…

          My answer was to stop buying the cheap hose at Bunnings and pay more money for the quality fittings. Sadly In life, you only get what you pay for.

          There’s no free lunch. I still end up coming up with a cheap Chinese bargains- hedge clippers that work for 5 minutes before they fall apart.

          Those fucking chinks will end up running the world. The slant eyed bastards are as cunning as shit-house rats. They got the sales game sown up. We are mugs. Babes in the woods with the Chinks selling us useless crap. They sure are cunning bastards.

        • After 28 years of faithful service my old electric blanket finally bit the dust two winters ago.

          I bought another of the same brand, happy to pay the high purchase price because I thought I was purchasing a blanket of the same quality and durability as that of my old blanket.

          The new blanket died within two months of purchase. I took it back and got a replacement, a different brand but still a high quality product with a good reputation.

          It was used for a couple of months towards the end of last winter, then again for a week in early June this year, whereupon it promptly died too.

          Back it went to the store, and they replaced it without a quibble.

          The sales worker who assisted me said that the manufacturers of the three high-end blankets they stock now get their products manufactured in Asia. Since this has happened, the store replaces about one blanket in every two they sell because they die within the first few months of use.

          What a bloody waste of precious materials and resources.

          • And that Sir Patagonian was precisely the point I was making.

            We export top quality minerals/goods to Asia and they return in kind with absolute rubbish, mountains of the shit, virtually 100% defective.

            And mad Abbott blathers on about trade as if it’s the be all and end all. The guys a total amateur, a fuck-wit who wouldn’t know his arse from his face.

  19. Sorry the SMH has fired you Mr. Ellis. Your wit and perception are too much for the likes of Australia’s lazy press these days.
    Your opinion to dangerous to the insatiable rich and powerful and their lackeys in our pariaments. Your voice is needed Mr. Ellis. Today, the truth tellers are generally those lablelled by the Labour and Coalition and conservative press as “hysterical”, “outrageous”, and “provocative”. If yyou have been so labelled, my sincere and grateful congratulation on your good work in this sad grey Australia where our leaders are clothed in lies, hypocracy and inhmanity. Viva Bob Ellis.
    John Hunter, East Kew, Melbourne


  21. Viviene Tuckerman

    I think the main reason they are trashing manufacturing is because it is part of the #TPP deal. So we have to buy these products from big o’seas corps and then the 1% here get a big kickback. They don’t care that the Australian people lose out bigtime :(

  22. Kevin Andrews practices his Sunday Sermon.

  23. I’m going to be a pain about this, but please please please get a copy of ” Inequality for All” and watch it – it will clearly show how stupid and dangerous this budget is.

  24. Not to mention Gina only has to work 9 seconds for her contribution, shouldn’t it (to be ‘fair’) everyone have to work the same amount of ‘time’ as their contribution (?) Let’s face it, a man in a low paying job is sentenced to the same goal ‘time’ as those wealthy corporate dudes if they both are convicted of murder, their ‘time’ is measured the same as a ‘payment to society’, no matter what they earn per hour… so Gina & all need to give as much ‘time’ as middle (& lower) income earners, the amount is irrelevant, everyone’s ‘time’ is precious & it should be measured when given to government in a payment that gives this country the funds it needs to be… ‘fair’ to ALL.

  25. So, I work a month a year to help another Aussie! I’m okay with that, Jo! Seriously!

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