It has been pointed out to me by some aghast and fair-minded respondents that Terrance, who says I am moved only by spite, bile, professional jealousy and septuagenarian uselessness and that Mel should be buggered and hanged in Iran; and Bob, who says all my scripts are about young women going down on middle-aged men (eighty aren’t, one is) are two different people, and for the sins of both of them I have cast out both for life.
There is reason in this plea for mercy, and my uncertain, grudging, abashed and remorseful commutations are these.
Terrance is banned for three years; and Bob is banned for eighteen months. If at the end of their periods of exile, they apologize unreservedly, they will be let back in.
The ban on Frank and the others is till June 25. Jim is forgiven but urged to continue writing grammatically, with correct punctuation, spacing and spelling
GK Cole is allowed back, but only if he/she uses that name. If I find that ‘Greenblatt’ is him/her, or any other pseudonym, I will expunge him/her from world history for a year and a week; that is, until my seventy-first birthday on May 10, 2013 or my death, whichever comes first.
No more correspondence will be entered into after 2 p.m. today, Frday , May 4, 2012. These edicts should not have been necessary but lies, lies, lies, lies have given me no choice but to act for a while with brutality in the cause of truth.