On The Wild And Growing Dementia Of Julie Bishop

Julie Bishop is getting crazier.

As she well knows, no-one deliberately shot down a civilian aircraft. A fool EU bureaucrat put the plane in harm’s way, and he should be in gaol for it.

And this idiot frame-up has been going on for a year. She is going to ‘bring to justice those responsible for this act of evil’ although the man in charge of eleven time-zones, Putin, won’t let her organise a trial of him or his country, and he has the UN veto that prevents him to forbid her, or anyone, from beginning or mounting this trial.

She’s just crazy. And she’s costing us a fortune.

She should be tested for her sanity.

J. Bishop

Getting tired of Julie Bishop.

Assad has killed 250,000 of his own people. And she  has not complained about it.

She has, instead, alleged that Putin was involved, somehow, somehow, in the killing, by accident, in wartime accident, (hard to see what else it was) of thirty-seven Australians, in a war zone, where a tourist plane should never have been, and has asked him to take part in his own international United Nations trial though he has the veto to never do that.

In contrast with Assad, who has killed 250,000 Putin may or may not have been involved in the killing of 10,000 Russians and Ukrainians she’s called him wickedly, implacably evil for planning and carrying out.

Really?

Every dime she spends on this idiot vendetta is wasted.

What the hell does she think she is doing?

Whom the fuck does he think she is kidding?

Just asking.

Goodes

I tire of Adam Goodes.

He wrecked the life of that  thirteen year old girl, who merely noted how big he was, not his colour.

He comes from, or he should come from, a chiacking footie-show culture, distant cousin of the Hollywood Roast, a culture that can give it and can take it, and he prefers to whinge about schoolyard miseries twenty years ago like, yes, a twelve year old girl.

What has happened is no more remarkable than a haka.

He should be ashamed of himself.

Ellis Table Talk Suspended for One Week

Ellis Table Talk will be suspended for one week.

In the meantime, some archival material will be added to Ellis Gold.

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Latest

My wife or my son will put up on Ellis Gold a sound conversation with Bob Carr and another, when completed, with Peter Collins, by Sunday.

Feeling marginally better. Next two days crucial.

The Fourteen Worst Things The Liberals Did Yesterday (298)

A boat off Dampier with a lot of Vietnamese on it was called by Dutton an ‘on-water matter’ he didn’t comment on though it showed he had not ‘stopped the boats’, and nor had Morrison, or Abbott, or Angus.

Bronwyn Bishop was chided by Tony Abbott but not, after many, many breaches of her duty as non-partisan Speaker (cocktail parties for Liberals; chauffeur rides through Europe; 393 expulsions from the House of non-Liberals; persistent refusals of points of order; outlandish interruptions of questions while they were not yet completed) not yet, amazingly, sacked. He regarded himself as ‘the love-child of John Howard and Bronwyn Bishop’ and refrained from matricide.

A Newspoll due out tomorrow was being frantically forged to show Labor on only 53 and Shorten trailing Abbott by, oh, 5 percent. John Hewson said Bronwyn’s war-cry ‘Do you know who I am?’, used most famously when she invaded a Qantas cockpit in the manner of Mahomet Atta on Anzac Day 1994 demanding the plane immediately land, endangering passengers, so she could lead the parade up Barrenjoey Road, showed what she had been always like. ‘Barking mad,’ he said, genially, of of the woman who had ruined him politically, before Bob Ellis ruined her politically.

Barnaby Joyce sold a lot of cattle to China, amazed they did not boycott a country so keen to adopt gay marriage. Baird said we should have GST of 15 percent on everything, not say, 3 percent on fresh fruit, 25 pervent on cars, 30 percent on share transcations, 50 percent on ATM transactions, or whatever.

A forged Newspoll came out redistributing preferences as they were in 2013 when people trusted Abbott’s promises, or at least some of them. It showed Labor o 53, more like 56, Abbott disliked by 60 percent, Shorten by 59, Abbott preferred PM by 39, Shorten by 36,, and 25 UNCOMMITTED, and Labor winning back every seat Abbott took from them,; Shorten Prime Minister hereafter and the headline SHORTEN SINKS DEEPER.

Don Randall, who tried to overthrow Abbott in Febrary, was found dead in his car in Western Australia.

And so it went.

And Another Thing

It’s worthwhile noting what ‘corrupt’ means.

It is, or it can mean, the misuse of public money, as in a helicopter trip, provided by a friend of a man in Bronwyn’s office, at a cost higher than the minimum.

But it can be also, surely, the use of Bronwyn’s office, provided free by her, for Liberal fundraisers. She is supposed to be above party politics, and is fundraising for a particular party. She chided Gillian Triggs for ‘not getting into politics’, like her, on Q&A, when she, amazingly, was already
Speaker.

On top of that, it was corrupt of her to favour one side as Speaker, and to refuse or interrupt questions from the other side, to reject within seconds points of order, and eject 393 times Labor or Green members of parliament, and only three Liberals.

She is guity of corruption and therefore of different crimes, and should be tried, convicted and gaoled for this.

Or am I wrong?

Health Report (4)

I will put up some classic pieces, if  I can find them, on Bronwyn from The Hewson Tapes and Goodbye Jerusalem.

Am feeling a bit crook, and hearing of miracle cures. Am editing Tony Abbott: The Two Hundred Worst Days today and tomorrow.

There have been many, many lovely messages.

Ah dear.

Recommended Reading

My wife will be putting up on Ellis Gold my launch of the John Killick book Gambling For Love.

John escaped from Silverwater prison in a helicopter hijacked and commandeered by his love, Lucy Dudko.

The book is superbly written, and will become a classic of engrimed working class youth and luckless, incompetent criminality.

Health Report (3)

The news is very bad and I may have months to live but it is more like weeks.

I will try to bring out Abbott: The Worst Three Hundred Days: A Politcal Fiction, and launch it sometime in August. And, if I am well enough, do one last performance of Orators.

And so it goes.

Valkyrie Winter

The Bronwyn-’Choppergate’ affair has no precedent in our history, and will end, as John Hewson says, ‘in tears for a lot of people’ if Abbott continues to refuse to ‘intervene’.

Bit by bit it will be shown that she spent a luxurious fortune — on limousines in Europe; cocktail parties in her enormous quarters for Liberal donors she was by definition, as Speaker, not to be seen to be favouring with largesse; kickbacks for road transport to Liberal associates — that can be seen as corruption at the highest level.

On top of this is how she will be treated in the House. Will they obey her when she says, ‘Order’? Will they leave when she bids them to? How, precisely, will she react, and the Sergeant-at-Arms react, when the song ‘Hey, Big Spender’ is sung when she comes in? How many dissensions from her rulings will be moved? How long will that take?

It is hard, after that, to see what might happen. Will Abbott sack her? Will he then resign? Will his people support him if he does not? What will his numbers be by mid-August if he retains her? In what words can he justify, till then, keeping her on?

It is certain she will not go of her own accord. I have had some dealings with her, and she is very, very mad. She sought the Prime Ministership and was well on the way to it when I brought her undone. She will not give up this last, grasped prize, not ever.

And we will see what we shall see.

Health Report (2)

I look and feel better. I am still awaiting the outcome of the crucial test. It is likely, though not certain, that a blockage can be removed, with or without surgery.

I commend Mona Vale Hospital, a very fine place to be. Abbott is reducing it, and replacing it with something nearer his home in Forestville.

And so it goes.

Health Report

I am in Mona Vale Hospital waiting cat scan tests on liver function which look ominous.

This blog may become infrequent in the next few days, and in the next few weeks may cease altogether.

Hey, Big Spender

(First published by Independent Australia)

A while back a Speaker was driven from office, robbed of his pension, ruined, made mad and put near suicide because he spent nine hundred dollars on taxis to wineries near Queanbeyan. Today another Speaker who spent five times that on a helicopter to a Liberal function is being forgiven, after hastily paying the money back, plus a fine.

It is only part of a vaster amount – a hundred thousand, two hundred thousand – of taxpayer money she felt entitled to spend on luxury trips to glamorous overseas places though her domain is, rightly, in one building. It is ‘an end to the age of entitlement’ to others, but not to her. The money could have saved five Luke Battys; or kept up the suicide-watch calls to imprisoned adolescent Aborigines, but she, of course, took precedence. And there you go.

This trip to a Liberal function is a measure of how pro-Liberal, and how corrupt, she is. Though her job is by definition ‘above party politics’, she holds party functions in her office. And she has thrown out of the House four hundred times Labor members and only thirteen times Liberal and National members. She refuses all points of order, disallows many questions, and sometimes won’t even let a question be completed. She is the most biassed Speaker in the history of the Westminster system, and therefore, by definition, the most corrupt.

And she has politically cut off the legs – in mid-dropkick, as it were – of the choreographed media attack on Shorten’s campaign manager appointment and how he was paid. She has opened up the cornucopia of money spent on Liberal private functions, and travel to and from Liberal donors. She has opened up the need for a federal ICAC.

And her own resignation of course. One rendition of ‘Hey, Big Spender’ as she enters the chamber will leave her nowhere to go but Yarralumla, to hand over her papers and kiss hands.

And years of costs when Peter Slipper sues her for her libels against him.

He is innocent of course. And she is not.

The Thirty-Three Worst Things The Liberals Did Yesterday (297)

It was revealed that no refugees, no genuine refugees that is, on Manus had been ‘settled’ yet in PNG. It had been two years. One with job interviews in Moresby had not been allowed to go there. Some were going mad. Two had been killed while waiting, none had been admitted there. Several, who were homosexuals, feared getting fifteen years if they went there. This, Dutton boasted, had ‘stopped the boats’ — the fear, the very fear of the savage post-cannibal justice of a wild hot land.

Bronwyn Bishop paid back the money she spent on a helicopter to a party function an hour’s drive away, but did not apologise for it. Nor did she apologise for April 25, 1994, when she invaded the pilot’s cockpit of a stacking plane, yelled, ‘Do you know who I am?’ and commanded the poor terrified fellow land prematurely, endangering passengers, and indeed all Sydney, so she could lead the Anzac Day parade up Barrenjoey Road. This, her most legendary interference in world aeronautics, had long since faded in the public memory, like the Hindenberg. But it may have inspired, some said, Mahomet Atta in 2001.

Julie Bishop told Leigh Sales the world is in an ‘existential crisis’ more dangerous than the Cold War because DAESH was out to conquer it and Leigh asked, then, why we weren’t fighting it with two hundred troops in Iraq. She said, ‘Because Iraq won’t let us go there.’ Leigh said yes, but if we’re going to protect ourselves… And Julie said, ‘Oh no, you have to get their permission to do that.’ Asked if Bronwyn had done the wrong thing, she said, ‘I don’t know the details.’ She did not say why not. She was Deputy Liberal Leader and she should have known.

It became clear Bronwyn, the worst, most biased Speaker in the history of the Westminster system, should resign. If she entered the House, and the Opposition rose, singing, ‘The minute you walked in the joint’, she was finished. And she was finished anyway, and corrupt, and likely to spend time on trial, like Slipper, and Thomson, even maybe in gaol.

This left Abbott in a difficulty. She was his captain’s pick, but he could not, constitutionally, sack her till her till the House next met and voted her down, in five weeks’ time. He therefore had to offer her something she would take. But the only thing she wanted — TOTAL POWER! — was not in his gift.

It was certainly a puzzle. Barnaby threatening to euthanase Depp’s dogs; Abetz alleging gay marriage would lead us to fuck marsupials; Abbott bidding Obama get the hell out of ‘our’ Barrier Reef; Joe saying the fastest road to a house in Sydney was a job in a big bank like his wife’s; and now Bronwyn throwing out four hundred MPs, showed they were a bunch of ratbags and, in some views, the laughing-stock of the planet, and it seemed they might not win any seat at all. And they were in big, big trouble as never before.

Paul Murray amazed himself by denouncing the rape of children. It happened on Manus, he said, where it should be ‘reined in’. If inmates committed it, he said, they should b ‘instantly deported’; if guards did it, they should have their wages reduced. ‘Detention centres are good,’ he said, ‘they work, they do the work, they stop the boats, they do the job. But there are…details, we should tidy up.’

You can’t make this stuff up.

The dead of MH 17 were commemorated. Abbott said Putin should spend several million roubles investigating, convicting and imprisoning himself for his part in the shooting down of an aircraft in the wrong patch of sky in war time, a heinous crime without precedent in world history. If he did not do this, he threatened, Australia would continue sanctions on a nation that occupied twelve time zones and ‘bring it to its knees’. Julie Bishop said she was nearly certain the Russians had done it, but all the details were not yet in, and it might take ‘years, decades’ before the young serviceman who pulled the trigger would suffer ‘the full force of the law’ in a court that was still to be invented, with Putin’s help, at a cost of hundreds of millions.

Angus applauded himself for ‘bringing them home’ and was puzzled why so few families were there. It may have been they were tired of it, and the failure to name a culprit, anywhere.

Julie Bishop said it was okay with her if George Christiansen addressed a fascist rally, ‘Reclaim Australia’, at the end of Ramadan and so incite a jihad in Queensland. ‘It is important,’ she said, ‘to keep up the fear of DAESH swamping the world, and, ‘in my leader’s words, coming for us all’. It was noted that her advocacy of the asbestos industries had hastened more deaths, in Australia, than DAESH — or, indeed, any ‘terrorist’ — in a hundred years, and she said, ‘Don’t get off the subject.’

The Labor Party asked the Commonwealth Police to find out what Bronwyn had signed, and what she was hiding, and what she might, now, go to gaol for.

In her office, she had a gin; and a strange light came over her, suffusing with a pale, celestial glow her broad, uplifted, Tongan face.

‘Tell Mr De Mille,’ she said, ‘I am ready for my close-up.’

The Heydon Shakedown (4)

Four six days Dyson Heydon has refused to say what parts of Shorten’s testimony were incredible, or apologise, or resign; or say why he corruply paid nine million dollars to Eric Abetz’s law firm, nor intervened in the proceedings as improperly — and corruptly — as his fellow abuser of the public purse Bronwyn Bishop.

Recommended Reading, And A Suggestion

I will publish, here, any review of both To Kill A Mockingbird and Go, Set A Watchman, and will put up on Ellis Gold a meditation on the both of them within a week.

I had not read either till Wednesday, and am staggered by the first one, which seems to me the best ‘child’s eyes’ novel since David Copperfield.

The Twenty-Eight Worst Things The Liberals Did Yesterday (296)

Seeking to distract attention from his worst three hundred recent policy failures, Joe proposed to change everything. There would be vast rises to the GST, state income taxes, and punishment of those who did not sell off everything. There would be, of course, no further taxes in billionaires’ super, and no GST on ‘financial services’. He commended the austerity that has lately ruined Greece, and said we should have more here.

In the real world, Andrew Robb called ‘lunacy’ his leader’s ban on wind farms and roof solar, Barnaby could not get through to to his opposite number in Indonesia, reprieved mooing cows were beginning, in their tens of thousands, to starve, and China’s leaders said they didn’t want the ‘xenophobic’ Barnaby as Deputy Prime Minister, as he seemed, at most hours of the day, ‘unhinged’.

It was revealed that Bronwyn Bishop had spent 88,400 dollars on a week-long trip to Europe in which she had hoped to be elected World Top Speaker but was defeated by her infamous Burqa Ban and a male Muslim Bangla Deshi. This was ten times the money that would have saved Luke Batty’s life. She also spent five thousand on a helicopter ride from Melbourne to Geelong, which would, in her Commonwealth Car, have taken an hour and cost thirty dollars. This was more than Craig Thomson spent on whores, if he did, and was ruined by. She held illegal fundraisers in her office. Her ‘expenses’ that year on top of her 340,000 salary, were 390,000 dollars. This would have restored the suicide-helpline calls to gaoled teenage Aborigines, lately cancelled because ‘unaffordable in the present context’.

Alan Jones bagged Abbott over the Shenhua Mine for half an hour, calling it a ‘desecration’, ‘selling the country off to foreign interests’, ‘the Eureka moment’ which ‘has put the people were on fire’ and ‘this is when the rubber hits the road’. There were some issues, he said, that changed a nation, and this was one of them.

Despite these in-Cabinet wars between Turnbull, Barnaby, Bishop, Rodd and at least three people who called themselves ‘Abbott’, the media did not think it was the Liberals but Labor that was in danger, and would embark, now, on a leadership challenge that would take four months during which an election would be called. It showed them to be in a desperate conspiracy to shore up Abbott long enough for him to call an August election, and scrape home in it, before he was shamed, on Climate Change, in Paris before the world. The media’s cowardice was now like that of Pravda, 1953, and showing in the shaving mirror each morning the gaunt, pale, twisted face of Vidkund Quisling.

It was now plain what the plan was: go CFMEU, go unions, go Shorten, go early. Ignore China, Indonesia, Rosie Batty, the Pope. Rush Shenhua through. Praise Barnaby for his ‘independence’ and ‘vigour’ whatever he said. Moot a GST then blame Labor for there not being one. Rush, rush, hectic, hectic. Conceal the figures that showed, now, no hope of surplus this century. Hope to Christ no-one remembered gay marriage, or the border wars on people smuggling and Joko’s reprisals. Pretend it isn’t happening, it’s all union, Shorten, Labor leadership. It might just work. With the total capitulation, now, of the ABC, it might just work.

An interventionist God, or something, killed Nick Cave’s son, who fell off a white cliff of Dover. A camera the size of a piano photographed Pluto and passed on into infinity. The Reserve Bank said Joe should cancel negative gearing and he said he wouldn’t. The author of ‘Kevin ’07′ died surfing. Greece capitulated to the Fourth Reich, then were told by the IMF they shouldn’t have. Two million people read with shock, overnight, of Atticus Finch’s contacts with the Ku Klux Klan.

And…authorities threatened Johnny Depp’s wife with ten years’ gaol for bringing in two dogs, altering a customs form, and, at a cost of half a million dollars, flying them back to California at some inconvenience when Barnaby declared war on them, and said he would kill them, thus ending the Queensland film industry. And Dutton, the responsible Minister, did not pardon her even now and save that economy. ‘If I did that,’ he explained, ‘I’d have to forgive Bronwyn Bishop for flying, illegally, to Geelong. And I want her head on a plate.’

Children were secretly flown out of Darwin ‘to be nearer their rapists,’ the responsible Minister, Dutton, explained, ‘in accordance with our long-held policy of the maximum harm that can be done to children, on Christmas Island and Nauru.’

A strange look appeared in his eyes. He began to scratch himself, and thump his chest and, having leapt up onto a parking meter, reassert with whoops and yelps and grunts his mandrill ancestry.

And so it went.

The Terrorism Scorecard

It is a hundred years and two hundred and ten days since an Australian was killed in a terrorist attack in Australia.

When, at last, another such death occurs it will be noted here.

The Heydon Shakedown (4)

For the fifth day Dyson Heydon has not said what parts of Bill Shorten’s testimony were incredible, nor apologised, nor resigned.

When, at last, he does any one of these things it will be noted here.

The Nineteen Best Things The Liberals Did Yesterday (3)

Mmmh…

Lines For Joko Widodo (1)

We will decide what cows come here, and the numbers in which they come.

The Fifty-Eight Worst Things The Liberals Did Yesterday (294)

It was thought Barnaby’s description of Indonesia as a bunch of poofter-bashers who might not buy our cattle if we tried gay marriage on may have had something to do with the loss of our market there, and the pardoning of two hundred thousand of of his mooing, puzzled fellow creatures now on Death Row eating expensively. It confirmed what Tony Windsor had said of him on election night 2010, ‘Barnaby Joyce is a fool’, and that Tony would now run against him, and take him out.

Scott Ludlum asked Abbott to ‘just come clean’ and admit he wanted to end renewable energy and gouge with coal mines our iconic farmlands and that was his kooky millenarian purpose. Abbott thought the public would be more intrigued by who paid Shorten’s campaign manager and would win in a landslide an August election and made preparations.

(He was disappointed, however, to learn that there would be no volcano-ash-led disaster over or near Bali now and his ACDC — Air Crash Death Cult — would not be nourished by a further search for bodies, commemorative hymns, national days of mourning and close-ups of him hugging widows in a Catholic cathedral. ‘Damn,’ he thought. ‘Damn.’)

Julie Bishop would not admit that it was Ukrainians, not Russians, or pro-Russians, who had shot down MH17, an ‘act of evil’ that still made her, nightly, ‘sick to my stomach’, and said an inquiry into an inquiry into who did it would begin in November, and make findings ‘within, perhaps, two years’. Asked if what she had done to the Indonesians — expelling their ambassador, saying they didn’t more assiduously seek to prevent the people smugglers disgorging refugees on their shores, cutting half the money we gave to them — might have in any way soured the relationship, and pardoned the cattle, she said, ‘No way. No way. What happens in the slaughterhouse stays in the slaughterhouse, and it is nothing to do with me.’

It was widely agreed that she, Barnaby, Robb and Abbott had ruined, now, the economy of the north, and Hockey and Abbott the economy of the south (cars, submarines), but it was thought by Abbott that the question of who went on Q&A was an issue more important both nationally and globally, only slightly less than who paid Shorten’s campaign manager forty thousand dollars in 2007. Asked if she would go on Q&A, she said, ‘I haven’t been asked,’ and she shot a lively hot glance at her Malvolio, Peter Hartcher, who shuddered and writhed with glee in his tight yellow stockings. Asked if the ban should continue, Turnbull said no, it was nonsense. Shorten predicted that Abbott and Barnaby ‘would never appear in the same paddock again.’

A camera neared Pluto. Skynews ruefully searched the skies for good tidings, somewhere, anywhere, for the Liberals.

Baird said the Shenhua mine wouldn’t hurt the water and ruin adjacent agriculture and thus the national economy, though experts said the dust would. The dollar sank to 73 cents. Lawyers said the ban on helping out roof solar and wind power was probably illegal, and the High Court should rule on this.

In such Westminster circumstances, a government would traditionally resign. But these were Abbott/Caribbean circumstances and it would do no such thing. He stood up and jumped about and punched the air, and said, ‘Ah am de greatest!’, obscurely.

Two hundred thousand cattle ate a million dollars’ worth of food that day. Farmers hoped that money going to the search for MH 370 might be diverted to help sort this, but no, as always with Abbott the plane wreck had priority. It was vaguely hoped a new continent would erupt in the Indian Ocean full of people born yesterday, and keen to eat these cattle, as greedily as Brazilians.

Some Russians were not allowed to go to a conference in Queensland. It was believed that Julie Bishop, in revenge for feeling sick to her stomach about MH 17 ‘every night of my life’, had decided, snippily, to keep them out. This discommoded Barnaby, who was proposing to sell them a whole shit-load of beef.

Baird called ‘evil’, tours to where Ivan Milat killed some people twenty years ago in the Belango State Forest, and said he would ban them hereinafter. He approved, though, tours to Gallipoli, Gound Zero, the Somme, Culloden, Gettysburg and the site of the Crucifixion; not to mention, oh yes, the Lindt Cafe. He showed thus a crumbling intellect, rather like Abbott, who walked the Kokoda Track and prayed at Lone Pine yet banned his Ministers from the ‘crime-scene, Q&A,’ and ran from the chamber when Craig Thomson sauntered into it. Early morning beach jogging on Manly had made these two muscular Christians as tired and fuckwitted, it seemed, as each other.

Joe said the states should charge the GST on more things but not, of course, on financial services. He amazed his audience by adding that the sundering, this last week, of the Chinese economy would not have any effect on his figures. Nor would the cutting by eighty percent of the cattle sales to Indonesia, or the feeding of the two hundred thousand survivors, nor Widodo’s plan to grow his own meat from now on. He thus showed himself to be as mad as Abbott, Barnaby, Pyne, Abetz, Andrews, Bronwyn and Bernardi.

It was to be wondered how long it would be before the Governor-General sacked them all, but there you go.

And so concluded another day of the worst free-elected government in over a thousand years, since the invention, in its present form, of democracy in Iceland in 934 AD.

The Twenty-Two Best Things The Liberals Did Yesterday (2)

Mmmmh…

The Terrorism Scorecard

It is a hundred years and two hundred and eight days since  an Australian died in a terrorist attack in Australia.

When, at last, another such death occurs it will be noted here.

The Heydon Shakedown (2)

For a fourth day Dyson Heydon refused to say what parts of Bill Shorten’s testimony were incredible, or to apologise, or resign. Or explain why he paid nine million, money which might have been better used by Rosie Batty, corruptly to Eric Abetz’s old law firm.

When, at last, he does any of these things it will be noted here.

A Word From Frank

I think its a very good idea Bob and will create the impression that this is “Australia’s most balanced blog.”

“More balanced than QandA.” could be the subheading on the blog’s masthead.

So let me kick it off.

‘The Three Best Things the Liberals did this Week’

1. Abbott Declares a War on Wind, instructing The Clean Energy Finance Corporation to stop blowing $10 Billion on wind turbines. This is a very good idea as wind turbines are old technology and are very costly to produce. More expensive than coal which we have tons in the ground just waiting to burn. Abbott is a renaissance man and only interested in funding new “out there” ideas like gongs for Dukes or time travel to the 1950′s.

2. Abbott Saves Thousands of Pensioners from Death.
Have you noticed how bloody cold it has been this week? Abbott got rid of the Carbon Tax so we can all “let it rip” and turn the heat up. This way the temps are not as cold or dangerous as they would have been given the current cold snap. There are thousands of trembling old people ready to vote Liberal that would have otherwise been frozen to death. Thanks Tony.

3. Tony Abbott funds Flag Manufacturers.
Over $500,000 was spent on Aussie flags this week for Aussie politicians to adorn in their offices – thus boosting, I imagine, our free trade agreement with Chinese flag manufacturers. Abbott’s war on terror has boosted the number of flags he needs behind him too to around 10 flags. This is a good barometer to judge the mood of Abbott and the danger to the country. The more flags he puts behind him, the more trouble we are in.

And so endeth the greatest day of the greatest government since Civilisation was founded in 3066 BC etc…

The Twenty-Eight Best Things The Liberals Did Yesterday (1)

Mmmh…

The Twenty-Nine Worst Things The Liberals Did Yesterday (293)

Hunt admitted that no more money would go to wind farms, though they made the government a billion a year, nor to rooftop solar for houses and small blocks of flats, which every Australian wanted. He also admitted, or hinted, that these cancellations had been commanded by a Cabinet which had not consulted him. He is the Minister for the Environment.

Tim Flannery said emissions had gone down under Labor, and up under Abbott, who had exceeded in skyfilth the previous government’s gains. Tim said we would become the ‘world pariah’ on climate change.

Dyson Heydon did not recuse himself from his Royal Commission though it was shown he had corruptly drop-kicked nine million dollars to Abetz’s old firm, and three million, deservedly, to himself, of course. This is equivalent to the moneys cut from Rosie’s battered wives. A Royal Commission into domestic abuse opened with a minute’s silence in memory of the dead.

Phil Coorey said that Abbott would call, in August, an election on the CFMEU and its connection with bikies and Bill Shorten. Andrew Leigh said Abbott, the co-auteur of WorkChoices, would be hard put winning an election that bashed unions. Unions, after all, had caused Australian civilisation and might mention this in a coming, August campaign. Michael Kroger said Abbott would be ‘on safe ground’ in such an election. You can’t make this stuff up.

Greece and China were in economic meltdown, and Abbott was asked what we would do about this. He said, ‘What we do about this, what we do about this, is maintain the Woolworths-Coles duopoly, and all will be well.’ You can’t make this stuff up. He then thanked Hunt for getting the Barrier Reef off the UN endangered ecosystems list, which Rudd/Gillard had put it on. It was never on that list, and you can’t make this stuff up.

Morrison declared that a great number of disabled were no longer disabled — to many cries of ‘Hallelujah!’ and ‘Praise him!’ and ‘Behold the man!’ — and they would not get any more money, and they would have to find work, of which there was of course an abundance for people who looked like them. The Daily Telegraph praised him for tracking down and punishing ‘rorters’ and ‘bludgers’ as he had, in his previous Ministry, people smugglers and fraudulent refugees and terrorising some of them into aborting their unborn and burning themselves to death in Geelong. And, oh yes, trading blow-jobs for hot showers with virgins which in some cultures was frowned upon.

Abbott was told that Chinese rockets might, in a future conflict, nuke Sydney, Canberra or Adelaide as they had the range. ‘No worries about that,’ he said, ‘just so long as we maintain the Woolworths-Coles duopoly.’

Turnbull came on 7.30 and amused himself saying, again, that the Monis Lindt Cafe incident could not be equated with the Battle of the Coral Sea and Tony was not mad really, just a little off his game. On the same show some farmers said the new big mine in Barnaby’s electorate Windsor would ruin, forever, farming in Australia’s food bowl and help starve, in the future, South East Asia. Tony Windsor looked very much like he was running. ‘I miss it,’ he said. His 62 percent vote first party preferred was likely, some thought, to wipe out Barnaby, whom he lividly hated, and consign him like a diseased and struggling possum to the glad-bag of history.

Greece was sorted, but then Indonesia declared it was cutting by eighty percent the number of mooing, suffering live cattle from Australia it would torture and kill in the next quarter, thus bollocking, probably, the incomes and lifestyles of most Queensland farmers. It was thought this was because of Abbott’s lunatic interventions into foreign policy, cursing them for shooting drug dealers rather then spending forty million dollars keeping them alive, and sneering at them for not having ‘turned back the boats’ that were coming infrom the north while we sent them boats from the south, containing refugees that would cost them, probably, twenty thousand dollars a year each to look after for sixty years or so. It was the start of a trade cold war between the two countries, but Abbott, grinning, said, ‘It’s okay, it’s okay, just so long as we maintain the Woolworths-Coles duopoly.’

And thus concluded another day in the life of the worst free-elected government in over a thousand years, since the invention, in its present form, of democracy in Iceland in AD 934.

The Heydon Shakedown

For three days Dyson Heydon has not said what parts of Shorten’s testimony were incredible. Nor has he apologised, or resigned.

When, at last, he does any of these three things it will be noted here.

Terrorism Scorecard

For a hundred years and two hundred and six days no Australian has died in a terrorist attack in Australia.

When, at last, such a death occurs, it will be noted here.

A Thought

It has been suggested by a respondent that, in the interest of balance, a parallel column be written each day entitled ‘The Thirty-One Best Things The Liberals Did Yesterday’.

We could start with ‘The Three Best Things’ and see how that goes.

Any takers?

Blowin’ In the Wind

(First published by Independent Australia)

As I write this, volcanic ash is preventing planes from leaving Bali, or going to Bali, and the tourist industry is being damaged.

Four years ago, an earthquake, tsunami and nuclear meltdown at Fukushima ruined every business in that region and endangered the entire Japanese economy, then the third largest in the world.

Ten years ago, an oil spill ruined the seaside businesses and swamped the economy of Louisiana, obliterating tourism there for three years. A month ago earthquakes ended, perhaps forever, the mountain-climbing tourist economy of Nepal.

Floods ruined provincial Queensland, fires provincial Victoria, in the past four years. Regions have been rebuilt, with massive government assistance, from the ground up. This has happened also in Christchurch, a museum city laid low by not just one, but successive earthquakes.

And yet we are told there is a ‘level playing field’ in a ‘global free market’ where ‘the market’ will make ‘all necessary adjustments’, in a spontaneous way, that will ensure the greatest possible happiness to the world population; and there is no alternative to this.

A moment’s thought will show that this is a fantasy. In eighty years Milton Friedman did not have that moment’s thought.

What is happening is what has happened through history: a state of war on frequent ‘events’ that disrupt a nation’s economy by governments ever more interventionist in a wild and difficult world.

American drones are bombing Pakistan and destroying the economies of mountain villages. Islamic State is beheading foreigners and damaging tourism in Syria. Egypt is hanging its President, and reducing the numbers of daily camel rides to the Pyramids.

And yet we are told there is something called ‘global free trade’, and the market will ‘adjust’ to, say, the next hundred years of air-bombing in Gaza.

It is surprising how many Labor people sign up to this nonsense. And believe, say, there should be no tariffs on anything. And by competing with the slaves of Bangla Desh we will win sufficient victories – exporting Akubra hats, or whatever – to save the day.

It is not like that. It is not how things are. We are at war, economically, not just with adjacent nation states but with storms and earthquakes and oil spills and beheading terrorists also. The ‘free market’ is not free, and it never was.

Tariffs worked for five thousand years, and in Japan and the US are working still. Government subsidized industries – like the Pentagon, and the BBC – still make huge amounts of money because the marketplace for them is taxpayer-fed.

I could write a book about this. But it would change no minds. They are so religiously stuck in a damn fool superstition – as dumb-assed as the belief in ‘leechcraft’ as a cure-all the Middle Ages – that argument is wearying.

Global free market economics exist on a planet without volcano ash, or bushfires, or earthquakes, or tsunamis. It exists on a clean, sunlit, windless planet without local wars or local slavery. Ergo, it does not exist.

It is a dead parrot. It is deceased. It has gone to its maker. It is no more.

It is a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing.

And the answer, my friend…?

Well take a look round you at the emergency services at work in snowdrift, shattered cities, ebola-stricken provinces. At air-sea rescue and the volunteers who in desolate African countries care for children with AIDS. Look at Save The Children. Look at UNESCO. That’s what we need. We need something like that.

It’s called government. It’s there to look after us. To repel our enemies when they come beating at the gate with cheap labour and cheap goods, wanting to take our world away.

It is government. It is we, the people.

And it’s time, and it’s time, and it’s time it were reasserted. In time of storm, vicissitude and earthquakes. And economic invasion.

Which is now.

The Forty-One Worst Things The Liberals Did Yesterday (292)

Abbott thought it a good idea that Red China own the best pastoral land in the world and destroy the water under it and Barnaby Joyce did not. He said this was ‘mad’ and refused to quit the Ministry that approved it and did so publicly. Though this was an act unprecendented in Westminster history Abbott said it was ‘what local members do’. He continued to forbid Barnaby to go on Q&A and asked that the ABC be ‘restructured’ so Q&A could not be free any more, and said he would let his Ministers back on it until it was ripped up, root and branch, in two months’ time perhaps. Turnbull, cursing, said he wouldn’t go on, as promised, on Monday. He then said he would go on 7.30 and bag Abbott there.

This attack on democracy was noted and, in argument, compared with the eighty million dollar assault on Shorten which took twenty million dollars away from Rosie’s battered wives, the flying dentists, the helpline to suicidal imprisoned Aboriginal teenagers and other useful services.

Money continued to go, however, to the dictator of Nauru, who assured Julie Bishop that the unpunished rape of children and the locking up of MPs were ‘necessary measures’ in the ‘transition to democracy’, a system he overthrew four months ago. Julie Bishop said she was ‘entirely satisfied with this’, and cast a hot glance at her Malvolio, Peter Hartcher, who showered her with three more sonnets crying, ‘My heroine.’

Laurie Oakes, a Liberal voter, noting that Shorten led Abbott by 56.3 to 43.7 as preferred Prime Minister and Labor according to any poll would win back all the seats Abbott won from them in 2013 and ten more perhaps, demanded Shorten ‘admit he is a dud’ and ‘consider his position’. Any other leader, he said, ‘Malcolm Turnbull, for instance’, would win back twice that number of seats from Abbott, whom he praised, however, as ‘likely to win if he started four points behind’. You can’t make this stuff up.

For a day, no AWU member complained of what Shorten had done. For a day, Dyson Heydon would not say what parts of Shorten’s testimony was ‘incredible’, nor resign his position.

Abbott staggered Queensland by saying he was ‘not in the business of giving character assessments of members of the Opposition’, though this had been his hourly habit for twenty-one years. Laurence Springborg said the LNP had ‘never been stronger’ than it was now, six months after it had lost thirty-four seats, and government, to a phone-booth-sized Labor Party. You can’t make this stuff up.

Abbott ramped up his war on wind power, declaring no more money should be spent on it, though it was as huge a resource as coal, it did not destroy crops or pastureland and it would last a million years longer, and could electrify, say, Western Australia by 2020. ‘Coal is the future!’ he asserted confidently, ‘and it will hasten, moreover, the end of the world and its creatures, for whom I have developed a festering detestation. I prefer angels.’ A woman tried to kiss him, said ‘He’s hot’, and was surprised, she said, ‘that all other women find him revolting, rough trade, or creepy.’

Cassidy thought it ‘unusual’ that Barnaby had abandoned a thousand years of Westminster practice by not resigning from Cabinet and Seccombe judged it ‘regrettable’ that Abbott was hourly dismantling democracy. They and Denis Atkins agreed that his war on the ABC was going badly — in part because it had, they said, three times as many fans as he did and was ‘better entertainment value.’ It seemed to the sane, and also Nikki Savva, that he would be tapped on the shoulder soon; but the Liberals are those who classically swim toward a sinking ship — Newman, Howard, MacMahon, Buswell, Downer, Snedden –and you never know.

It turned out nine million of the money spent on the Royal Commission went to Eric Abetz’s old law firm. This exceeded by eight million the money paid, or promised, to the AWU in trade-off deals negotiated by Shorten or another; out of a total of sixty-two million squandered, thus far, on a search for damaging visuals or sound-bites from the taxpayers’ purse.

Another day went by in which Dyson Heydon did not say what parts of Shorten’s testimony were ‘incredible’, and did not resign. And in which no AWU member complained of his/her treatment by Shorten in the seven years he headed, or was a high official, of that union.

The coldest day in fifty thousand years gripped Sydney, Australia lost the first Test. It was calculated the next election could not occur before March.

The national suffering deepened.

And so it went.

And so concluded another day of the worst free-elected government in over a thousand years, since the invention, in its present form, of democracy in Iceland in 934 AD.

In Thirteen Words

Dyson Heydon has not yet said which parts of Shorten’s testimony were incredible.

Shorten In The Dock

It was a curious, Orwellian experience to watch Shorten give a great courtroom performance for eight hours and then hear it described, with no significant grabs from it, as being ‘long-winded’ and ‘evasive’. I urge anyone interested to punch it up and watch any twenty minutes of it. He is superb.

But…brevity is suddenly of the essence, we were instructed yesterday for what may have been the first time in legal history. An inquiry that will take four more months to report, and had permitted Shorten two days to testify, suddenly decided (because he was doing so well) that he must be over and done in a day and a half, and demanded only yes/no answers to questions of tremendous moral complexity. Was allowing yourself to be crucified suicide, Mr Christ? Well, we should put that in context. Please answer the question.

Dyson Heydon was frustrated by the excellence of Shorten’s testimony and said he was ‘unreliable’ but gave no example of this unreliability. Knowing his intervention would dominate the news and become the talking-point of the day, the barbecue-stopper, he diminished the witness, a candidate for Prime Minister, and gave the impression he was guilty of something. He did this, I believe, corruptly, and should recuse himself from the the judging process, for which he is provenly, now, unfit. And he should apologise and remove himself from the legal profession altogether.

You do not call a witness unreliable without saying why. You do not. You do not.

Twenty of the eighty million spent on this nonsense could have restored the money taken from Rosie’s battered wives. It is pretty disgusting, but what can you do.

Shorten will survive, he was always going to, but he has ‘lost some bark’.

Abbott meanwhile is widely believed mad and has mutiny on all sides — Turnbull; Bishop; Joyce; Pyne— and a ‘party base’ so opposed to gay marriage he cannot but lose sixty seats.

And we will see what we shall see.

The Thirty-Eight Worst Things The Liberals Did Yesterday (291)

Barnaby said ‘The world’s gone mad’ and refused to appear with Abbott in Grafton. This was a bad look, since he was likely to be his Deputy Prime Minister by Christmas. Barnaby was affrighted because a Chinese mine, gouging his electorate, had exhumed Tony Windsor, who was up and furious and red in the face as Barnaby now and standing against him, and likely to obliterate him, all experts agreed, in New England where his first party preferred vote was routinely seventy-two percent in the past, and Alan Jones, back refreshed from the cricket, would slash and rend him again and again, and bellow his ire across the national airwaves like Godzilla.

Abbott gulped and said well, ah, Barmy’s a local member first, and I as a local member once opposed etc, etc, but these Chinese I am assured, I am assured, I am reliably assured, will poison only one hundred percent of our ground water while stealing our wealth, and that’s a fair trade-off, I think. He grinned, uncomprehendingly, and was taken off in a headlock by Credlin, his constant travelling companion these days, and given her ‘special tea’.

China’s economy continued tanking, iron ore went down to 43 dollars, the dollar to 74 cents, and there seemed no hope of a Budget surplus in the lifetime of Joe Hockey’s young children. Tsipras prepared his proposal which would ruin the European economy if it was taken up, and destabilise the world if it was not. ‘Zenk Goad veef goatt Joe Huckey to zort sings owt for us,’ Matheus exulted.

For two days in court Bill Shorten performed better than Clarence Darrow, flummoxing the Royal Commissioner Dyson Heydon, who eventually grumpily admonished him for being so good at his job, and so efficiently shoring up his political base; and PVO said he had ‘never been more disgusted’ than he had been by Bill’s transfixing success as a communicator, advocate, star witness and party leader; and sly evader, thus far, of the Murdoch lasso and lethal injection.

It was clear there would be no election this year. Turnbull was attacking Abbott, Bishop attacking Turnbull, Barnaby attacking Hunt, Abetz beseeching any Liberal who did not agree with him that sodomites fry in Hell to leave the Ministry, Dutton in league with a chaotic authoritarian tropical hellhole whose coppers unpunished rape children and half of whose parliamentarians presently simmer in gaol, and Cory Bernardi about to unzip and reveal his sex change, or whatever it was that was lately on his mind. And it might be difficult in these circumstances to win back the million votes the ‘Duke of Edinburgh Moment’ and Joe’s calamitous first Budget and his abolition of the auto industry and Abbott’s plainly visible growing dementia had lost them; and, oh yes, their revulsion at gay marriage which everyone under fifty wanted.

The anniversary of the downing of MH 17 came and went. It seemed the Ukrainians had shot it down, and the ‘shirtfronting’ of Putin, not that it happened, was an act of libel Abbott should apologise for, if he could remember that far back, in a full-page advertisement in Pravda.

The search for MH 370 continued, at Australia’s expense, in three oceans. After eighteen months no skerrick of it had been found, in an area of water the size of Australia; but half a billion more will be spent on it which we might have used to save the car industry, or free university degrees for Aborigines or better houses for the disabled. The search will go nowhere near Diego Garcia, where the Americans shot it down in mistake for a low-flying nuclear attack.

Julie Bishop said she would ask the President of Nauru to stop torturing innocent citizens, gaoling parliamentarians, and letting rapists go free. ‘If my tone is severe enough,’ she said, ‘I am sure he will abandon totalitarianism, stand aside from his position, and ask Justice Heydon to investigate his country and recommend the imprisonment of his Cabinet and police by January, 2018. Until then we will continue to give him the tens of millions a week he will need to continue his corrupt, extravagant junta in its present lifestyle.’

Reith said there was ‘no way’ Tony Windsor would beat Barnaby though his primary vote in 2013 was sixty-two percent. Bruce Billson said big business ‘donated equally’ to both sides of politics with no thought for monetary gain. You can’t make this stuff up. The lies told by the Liberals hour by hour were staggering and befogging, and bespoke a parallel universe in which these things were somehow, actually happening. Abbott said it was perfectly all right for Barnaby to be attacking, publicly, his fellow Minister Hunt, and if, well, if, um, Turnbull went on Q&A and attacked his policies there, well, that would be all right too.

And so it went.

And so concluded another day of the worst free-elected government in over a thousand years, since the invention, in its present form, of democracy in Iceland in 934 AD.

Recommended Viewing

Shorten, in the dock, now.

Propaganda Studies (9): The Meaning of ‘Terrorism’

Wife-beating is terrorism. Fast bowling is terrorism. School bullying is terrorism. Taking away the child of a drug-addicted mother, or threatening to, is terrorism.

Shock and Awe, by definition, was terrorism. Drone strikes on hill villages in Pakistan is terrorism.

Buggering children on Nauru, or  threatening to, is terrorism. Trading blow-jobs for hot showers is terrorism. Threatening gaol for those who report these things is terrorism.

Most episodes of Underbelly have involved, or included, terrorism. The men who collect money owed to Crown Casino are terrorists. Landlords who raise rents and threaten eviction are terrorists. Most bikies are, at least, part-time terrorists. Ask any town they’ve briefly dominated.

Is it a useful word? Well, to bully-politicians like Abbott or Bush, of course it is. It provides a bogeyman, a nameless bogeyman, a Great Satan, to rail against. Who is the head of DAESH? We are not told. He is a many-tentacled ‘terrorist’, a bogeyman.

‘Terrorism’ is no more than the way war is now, and, in the medieval world, and before then, always was. There were border raids, kidnaps, ransoms. There were pogroms and massacres of Jews. It is the way things have always been.

Slowly, this is becoming plain. When Abbott said, ‘The DAESH death cult is coming after us’, it was clear he was exaggerating. It is clear he was trying to mess with our minds.

Because the figures are against it. No Australian has died by ‘terrorism’ for a hundred years and two hundred and two days, since the Battle of Broken Hill. If you add in Man Monis and the Hilton Bombing, the number is three. There have been three wives beaten to death in this last fortnight. Three cricketers killed by fast bowling in this last year. Five hundred children school-bullied in this past hour.

It is a Big Lie if there ever was one, like the Evil Jew that was simultaneously a Communist menace, and a capitalist devil. It serves Tony Abbott, of course it does, as long as it is believed.

But that belief is depleting, and belief in anything he says is disintegrating.

If Turnbull goes on Q&A he, Abbott, is finished. If he does not, his days are numbered.

And so it goes.

The Twenty-Nine Worst Things The Liberals Did Yesterday (290)

Turnbull told the Sydney Institute that Abbott had been disproportionate — or, frankly, deluded — in his response to ISIS. It wasn’t like Stalin’s Soviet Union, with twelve time zones and an army of twenty million at its back, nor like Hitler’s Germany, which killed seven million of its minorities, nor like Tojo’s Japan, which occupied Burma, China, the Philippines, New Guinea, Indonesia and many, many Pacific islands, and only a nutter would make that comparison. He then said ‘time will tell’ if he would go on Q&A or not. This to some seemed a declaration of war on his leader, whose recent bizarre outbursts (‘Whose side are you on?’; ‘Heads should roll’) showed recurring ‘Sir Prince Philip’ symptoms, and perhaps the moment had come.

Hinch said he should ‘go to the backbench, do a Peacock’. Janine Perrett said he had a right to say what he said, which was on the money. Paul Murray said sure it was, but he should ‘swallow the party line’. You can’t make this stuff up.

The Tube Bombing was commemorated, and it became clear Man Monis would not have terrorised the Lindt nor killed Tory Johnson had the slim young men in Brandis’s office known what they were doing. They had somehow thought ‘harmless’ his request for permission to contact DAESH and offer himself to them as a recruit. This was in no way as serious, Abbott said, as letting Zaky Mallah for the third time into Q&A and then imperilling the nation by asking a vetted question nobody would obect to. Much more dangerous than Man Monis, Abbott said.

Ray Martin was encouraged to resign from the committee he was on, because he’d agreed, prematurely, with what Turnbull’s committee had said, that nothing much was done wrong by the ABC, and the boycott of this programme, but not others, was ‘silly’. How dare he acknowledge the bleeding obvious after only eight days’ consideration? Months were needed, surely.

Dawn Fraser apologised to Nick Kyrgios for saying, pretty much, what Steve Ciobo had said to Zaky Mallah: if you’re going to behave like that, you shouldn’t be living here, it’s better you lived somewhere else. Zaky remained unarrested, and well respected in Lakemba as an anti-DAESH campaigner and counsellor of troubled youth, and Ciobo and Abbott grew more and more isolated. It was argued Abbott owed his Prime Ministership to Q&A, whose early programmes he constantly appeared on, touting his leadership qualities with charm and geniality. But it had served his purpose now, and must, like the pregnant Kathy Donnelly, be discarded, boycotted, ruined.

Shorten was asked if a businessman had paid for his campaign director, and he said he had. It prived this had cost the businessman forty thousand dollars, and Shorten’s people had not, till a week ago, declared it. The fine for this lateness, if imposed, was a thousand dollars. Finding this out cost the government eighty million dollars.

It seemed that China would bring in cheap workers to displace Australians in its new enterprises here. Andrew Robb said this was a very fine thing. China’s economy then imploded, meaning there would be more Chinese buying Sydney apartments now, and less new enterprises. Andrew Robb said this a very fine thing. Australia’s dollar dropped to seventy-four cents, barely two thirds what it had was Abbott got in. Joe Hockey said this was a very fine thing.

John Blanchard, of the ANU, said on the Stan Grant show that Abbott’s Chicken Little madness came from his anti-multicultural fever, evidenced by his phrase ‘Team Australia’, and foreign birth and persecution for his funny accent when he was a child. Tristan Haddon said his ‘confected outrage’ about everything derived from his hot-flush, demented reaction to Zaky on Q&A, which may have been alcohol-related. The Skynews sound here blurred, and this good sense was obliterated. Abbott’s ‘DAESH death cult’ bogeyman rhetoric, Blanchard said, had stirred up the many neuroses of Man Monis, and thus caused the deaths in the Lindt Cafe. As had Abbott’s refusal to talk to him, of course. And Brandis’s etiolated young men’s refusal to ring the fuzz, and have him put away.

Richo was disembowelled, and came back looking chipper. Tens, perhaps dozens, of Skynews viewers wrote in thanking him for his life. He asked David Briggs, of Galaxy, which had replaced Newspoll after years of its blatant lying, how the fuck he was able to make up for the fact that no-one young owned, or answered, a landline any more. He said certain crooked corporations now supplied him, for a price, with certain mobile numbers, carefully selected to favour the Liberals, and thus please Murdoch, which was the point of the exercise. Richo said this was a very fine thing.

Paul Murray called ‘worse than the Katyn Massacre’ Bill Shorten’s arrangement with a businessman who paid for his campaign manager. Peter Beattie said it was not illegal andwould do Bill no harm. Paul Sheehan said Shorten’s poll figures — leading Abbott by 56.3 to 43.7 and winning back forty seats — meant he was a ‘total failure who would never be Prime Minister.’

Some criticism was voiced of Abbott’s view that DAESH, a worse threat than Hitler, Tojo and Stalin put together, must NOT be fought on the ground by volunteers whom he would put in gaol for twenty-five years if they tried it on, or by armies either, and the best way to repel, degrade and destroy them was to cancel their citizenships if they had another country to go to, this being a ‘weapon of mass destruction’ like no other which would ensure their extinction within a hundred years. It was patently clear that he did not know what he/was doing, and Turnbull’s view had merit to it, and he should be made Prime Minister by the Equinox.

And so concluded another day of the worst free-elected government in over a thousand years, since the invention, in its present form, of democracy in Iceland in AD 934.

Terrorism Scorecard

It is a hundred years and two hundred and one days since an Australian was killed by a terrorist attack in Australia.

When,at last, another death occurs in this way it will be noted here.

A Small Point

There seems no difference between what Dawn Fraser said about Nick Kyrgios and what Steve Ciobo said about Zaky Mallah: if you’re going to say things like that, you don’t deserve to live in this country, please get out of it.

Another apology seems in order.

The Thirty-One Worst Things The Liberals Did Yesterday (289)

Word spread that Abbott had gone mad. By forbidding any minister to go on Q&A forever he stopped, first, Barnaby touting his beloved agricultural policy and Joe touting his corpse of a Budget. His office quickly said it wasn’t forever, and it was only until the ABC had completed its inquiry into itself, in twelve weeks’ time, that all of his ministers would boycott that channel. Barnaby immediately appeared in the Press Club on that channel. Turnbull said he was ‘undecided’ as to whether he would go on Q&A next week, before the inquiry was completed. His own inquiry had found Q&A had done nothing wrong, and boycotting it was a ‘silly idea’. This was an act of mutiny unreported on Skynews, but noted by those backbenchers now more likely to lose their seats.

Ipsos showed forty of them would. And it was an Ipsos taken before the enormity of the gay marriage fuckup had sunk in. Seventy-two percent of Australians wanted it, and Abbott said there was no way he would even discuss it. Barnaby said every baby deserves a father, and those babies without a father should not be born. Penny Wong responded with vigour to the proposed extermination of her two daughters. They’re here, already, she said. What do you propose to do with them? Send them back to the IVF? More and more it seemed the Cabinet were espousing eugenics, and their minders became worried.

At the Press Club Barnaby praised cruelty to animals. Hens should be locked up, he said, pigs beheaded, cows branded, and bludgeoned to death in Vietnam lest the free market shrivel with kindness and wusses get their way. Animal liberationists he denounced as ‘thieves, burglars, stalkers and bearers of disease, whom in my day my father shot for trespassing.’

He told the Press Club that if he’d gone on Q&A he would have been sacked. ‘That’s life,’ he said, ‘you take it on the chin.’ In his mind his thumbs thrust into Abbott’s windpipe and his marmoset face grew purple, the way it does. He threatened to kill a woman who asked if he wanted Truss’s job. ‘There are no Killing Seasons in the National Party,’ he said. ‘We wait for our leaders to grow old and useless and die. I give Warren four months.’

Some MPs warned Abbott that if submarines were not built in South Australia he would lose the election. Abbott, now insane, thought this should not be a factor in a decision already taken. He had long preferred they be built in Japan because of the ‘skill’ and ‘honour’ with which the Japanese had sunk the Manly Ferry in 1942. It was known that the French and the Germans would build better, cheaper submarines and do so in South Australia, but…there was something about ‘our traditional beheaders, the Japanese’ that appealed to Abbott, who was prepared to lose every seat in that state, and most seats in most states, and send our money out of the country, to delight them. This meant the Xenophon Party would take the ‘safe provincial seats’ the Liberals now hold including that of Pyne, who became anxious Abbott be overthrown and yelling ‘I’m the fixer!’, set about this task.

Turnbull seemed to be going on Q&A on Monday. This was in defiance of his leader, who must either now sack him or admit his boycott of that programme, which most editorialists found ludicrous, was the act of a spoiled, shrieking infant in a kindergarten sandpit.

Steve Ciobo said Australians guilty of terrorism, or encouraging terrorism, who had somehow not been put in gaol for it, should lose their citizenship and be put in a leaky boat and pushed offshore. A Fairfax poll showed 75 percent of Australians agreed with this. It would mean, of course, the exile overseas of all bikies, brutish husbands, priests, Knox headmasters and Alan Jones, and it would reduce the population by half a million mostly Anglo-Saxon eminent persons, Pell among them, Hollingworth, several football coaches and Singo. But it was important, Steve said, there be more, many more, scumbag-villains like Zaky Mallah in the public theology, whom he could likewise libel on Q&A if that programme ever invited him back, and Abbott ever let him go on it.

Abbott was asked if Turnbull could go on Q&A and he said he was ‘not going to become a commentator’ on his own decisions lest they be given ‘undue, undeserved publicity. All polls now showed him fallen behind Shorten as preferred Prime Minister and losing thirty or forty seats, and government. And it was wondered if this ‘act of petulance’ over Q&A was something he could afford; and whether should ‘keep his dead down’ for a while and ‘act normally’.

Some said it was too late for that. This, like the Duke of Edinburgh decision, the gay marriage stonewall, the bizarre bromance with Japan, the war on wind farms, the funding of people smugglers and the cover-up of child abusers in Nauru and murderers on Manus was disproportionate, obsessive and mad. He seemed to have no strong sense of the country he was in, and what its name was, and why his countrymen preferred to have jobs here, and not see them going overseas to Asian competitors who would spend no money here. It was a country that had always pretty much disliked him, and it was coming now to suspect him, correctly, of being crazy.

Ray Martin described as ‘barking mad’ Abbott’s Q&A vendetta and said, correctly, that Tony Jones had been as tough on Rudd-Gillard ministers and policies as those of Tony Abbott. He prescribed, as a man of his generation might, ‘a bex and a good lie down’.

And so it went.

And we will see what we shall see.

Lines For Tony Jones

The Prime Minister has said Q&A is biased and Paul Murray Live is not. He has forbidden the Deputy Leader of his coalition partner, Barnaby Joyce, to tout his policies on Northern Australia here tonight. He seems to think he will suffer some infection if he sits at this table, and defends his ideas.

He thinks that Q&A’s procedures, which Malcolm Turnbull’s inquiry said were fine, were those of a ‘lefty lynch mob’ who were not on the side of Australia.

He has adopted what might be called the Mugabe view of democracy. He wants it guided, in a very familiar way. It is a way we have seen in South America, Africa, the Caribbean and Fiji.

I call on him to appear alone on Q&A and justify himself. He can choose two thirds of the audience, and the leaders of other parties, one third.

I urge him to do this. Should he do it he will show himself before the nation to be a hectic, ramshackle fool, and hasten his exit from politics. Or that is my present view.

I ask him to respond to this invitation without delay.

Today’s Newspoll And Ipsos

Newspoll has worked hard to get the results it has got this week. There were 9 percent ‘uncommitted’. The preferences were redistributed not as they are but as they were in 2013 when it was thought that Abbott was telling the truth. It rang no mobile phones. It rang landlines on Thursday, Friday and Saturday when no-one young was at home.

And it thus achieved a tie, 39-39, on preferred Prime Minister, which Ipsos called 43-39 Shorten’s way.

Ipsos’s overall figure, with Labor on 53 on Saturday, is in the ballpark. But it has got much, much worse for the Coalition since then. Abbott has forbidden the  Liberals, the party of individual conscience, to go on Q&A and speak their conscience there. He has threatened the ABC with impoverishment and mutilation, though it is twice as popular as the Liberal Party, in even Liberal seats like Pyne’s, where he would be voted out over it.  The Abetz and Joyce views on gay marriage — that it will stop Asians buying our cattle and encourage teenagers to fuck marsupials — show the government to be, in the old phrase, a ‘bunch of ratbags’, and there is no party, or government, or opposition, that comes back from that assessment. They are not sane. They do not return.

Ipsos interestingly shows Labor ahead in NSW, by 51-49, Victoria by 58-42, in Queensland 53-49 in WA 50-50, and in SA 49-51, an always winning margin in that state. It refrains from saying what percentage of women favour Labor, and what age-groups do. This was because the already composed and set up Fairfax headlines, bad week for Shorten, would have been ill-served by revealing the truth, that 67 percent of the under 25s or thereabouts prefer Labor, 62 percent of the under 35s, 56 percent of the under 50s, 57 percent of the women, and so on.

It does show, though, Shorten leading Abbott as preferred Prime Minister by 46-36 in Victoria, 48-38 in Queensland, 45-36 in capital cities, and tying with him 41-41 in the regions. It also has him leading Abbott 39-35 on ‘trustworthy’ and 59-30 on ‘has proven grasp of social policy’. And, oh yes, by 52-45 on ‘competent’.

And we will see what we shall see.

Acropolis Now (2)

Tsipras has asked if you want a century of poverty, beggary, emigration, depopulation and misery and the Greeks astonished the Germans by saying no. And what a surprise that was.

And the Germans will be scared now, and may accept, say, a debt payment pause for a year and a forgiveness of thirty percent of it thereafter. The can will be kicked down the road, and in five years’ time…Grexit, then, maybe. Or not.

The euro was a rotten idea. It would have been okay if there has been, say, a deal that allowed one tenth of the printed money to be drachmas, marks and punts, or whatever, this currency able to be adjusted up and down in times of crisis. But no, the Germans wanted a Fourth Reich, and got it, and here we are.

It’s actually…not as bad as it might seem. The grapes still grow on the vines and go to the winepress. The fish come out of the sea. The tourists still sit, as usual, in the waterside cafes of the islands in bright sunlight. These things can be bargained for, in IOUs, or glass beads, or roubles or shekels. Ways can be found.

It will mean, though, an aged population. The young people will emigrate, as they must, to wealthier countries.

But Tsipras is a hero. He has played brinksmanship and won. He has shown what cowards politicians are in these focus-group-driven days. The figures were seventy percent the other way five days ago. And he argued his case, and he won.

And we will see…what we shall see.

Abbott’s Crazy Line In The Sand

It may be dementia pugilistica. Or it could be a cunning plan, my lord, to force the haughty Turnbull out of Cabinet.

Turnbull’s report shows Q&A did nothing wrong. Abbott’s response is to ban all Ministers from being on it. Barnaby has obeyed. Malcolm has not yet said if he would.

So: another captain’s call, in the party of individual conscience, and another assault on our democracy, the most recent a law gaoling doctors who report bad hospital conditions and child rape, by the craziest man elected to high office since W.

He may, this time, have pushed Malcolm too far; or not. But it’s a bad day for him to have done it, when Ipsos shows him trailing Shorten as preferred Prime Minister and losing an election by a million votes, and most accounts of Zaky Mallah showing him to be harmless, useful, benevolent and gravely slandered by Steve Ciobo who threatened him, effectively, with death.

It was a bad week too, with gay marriage marriage triumphing in America and eighty-two Truss-Abbott MPs against it, and one of them asserting it leads one to swiving koalas, which in turn convinced many voters that this lot is, in the old phrase, ‘a bunch of ratbags’, and nothing like the functioning adult government Abbott said it would be; and the Prime Minister’s own sister beseeching him, on television, to bring it on.

And it was a bad month, with Indonesia saying relations with us were at an ‘all time low’ and Dutton being caught people smuggling, and covering up the whoring of children on Nauru.

And so on. It is a line in the sand, and it’s been drawn by a weird, hectic, ramshackle figure unlike any in our history, with little dignity and no narrative line. And he may be mad, or emotionally crumbling, or else cunning to an excruciating degree.

But it isn’t working. He’s a million votes behind. And if Malcolm defies him, he may be doomed.

And we will see what we shall see.

Terrorism Scorecard

It is a hundred years and one hundred and ninety-nine days since an Australian was killed by terrorist attack in Australia.

When, at last, another death occurs in this way it will be noted here.

Lines For Alexis Tsipras

In the early 1940s Germany killed or caused the killing of thirty million people and the crippling, maddening or financial ruin of a hundred million others. In the late 1940s it was rescued, its debts forgiven, from economic oblivion, in what was known as the Marshall Plan. In the middle 1950s it was rescued again from recession and most of its further debts forgiven by kindly foreign powers who gave it, then, the means and encouragement out of which it became, again, a successful industrial power.

Greece committed no such war crimes, nor moved with such rapacity and villainy against other peoples, nor such merciless firepower.

Yet we are told now Greece cannot be helped, nor its debts forgiven, nor even reduced, by of all people the Germans whose moral debt is greater than any since the time Genghis Khan.

I am therefore declaring war on Germany, effective after a referendum next Sunday, and will commence hostilities on Tuesday week if the relentless unforgiving Angela Merkel does not agree to the following terms: that Germany pay a fine of a hundred million euros for every Greek whose death was caused by Germany in World War 2, this number to include Greek Americans and Greek Australians, and those Greeks living in other Mediterranean countries.

She can write this debt off against our debt, or accept the resumption of World War 2.

The Twenty-Nine Worst Things The Liberals Did Yesterday (288)

It was revealed that Julie Bishop had lied to the House, and should resign. She had said a crucial communication had not been shown to her, and it was.

It was to do with Man Monis asking Brandis if it was all right to contact ISIS, and his office of slim young men saying it was. Had it been noticed by these insipid handsome fools that contacting ISIS was against the law, Man Monis would have been arrested, and not have transfixed the nation in the Lindt Cafe, or killed Tory Johnson with a bullet to the head or incited the killing, by ardent fuckwitted police, of Katrina Dawson with twenty-two bullets or bits of them after the ‘terrorist’ was already deceased. He could also have been stopped, perhaps, if Abbott had taken his call, or those of two frantic female hostages. He was ‘too busy,’ he said. And so two people died. He, too, had lied about the Man Monis letter, and, under Westminster rules, should resign.

Though he would do nothing like this, of course, of course he wouldn’t, the shadows were closing in on him, as calls grew for him to ‘get out of the way’ of global gay marriage, and his caucus numbers showed he tactically could not. Even if his firm belief that sodomites fry forever in Hell could be somehow rescinded — and he had a track record of abjuring long held beliefs, like how he should marry Kathy Donnelly if he knocked her up — it was thought by $inodino$ and other numberspersons that he could not hold his position, or hold it for very long, if he dared allow a conscience vote, or even the discussion of a conscience vote, or even the discussion of a discussion of one, in a party room whose numbers were heavily against it, and would tear him down if he tried it on.

An Honour Roll of those who had died waiting to marry was proposed in Table Talk, a blog widely read by homosexuals. Abbott had abolished gay marriage in the ACT on its fourth day in November 2013, and the numbers since then of the ‘glorious dead unwed’ were growing.

Turnbull’s people showed the ABC had done nothing wrong, Zaky Mallah remained unarrested and widely admired as an anti-DAESH campaigner (‘a jihadist for peace,’ the Murdoch papers had lately, proudly called him) in Lakemba and elsewhere, and Steve Ciobo was said by lawyers to have broken the anti-terrorism laws by making a public, violent threat, and might soon be arrested in his home state, Queensland, and put in the slammer for two years, sharing a cell perhaps with Dutton, the people smuggler.

Abbott was made to pose in uniform by some Americans, recalling the ‘Mission Accomplished’ moment of George W Bush, which he was too brain-damaged, some said, to remember.

The dollar fell to the lowest it has been for thirty years after word got round that Joe was an idiot, and his country moving in the direction of a Failed State now his second Budget was in carnage and his leader a ludicrous figure on the world stage and his Cabinet colleagues a hive of mumbling and fidgetting fundamentalists who believed, in some cases, that homosexual marriage would encourage teenagers to fuck marsupials.

It was revealed Tim Wilson, the nervous neo-fascist dipstick promoted above and beyond his intellectual capabilities to Human Rights Commissioner by Brandis, who fancied him, spent last year 77,363 dollars on ‘travel and expenses’ on top of his 332,000 wage and 40,000 accommodation allowance, which added to his wallet 1231 a day which the taxpayer gave him for his arduous work writing things on an envelope with a pencil once a week and appearing on television. On that medium he said that freedom of speech should not be extended to Tony Jones if he was going to be ‘snide’ all the time, or to Q&A if it was going to ‘chase ratings’ with ‘gotcha moments’ unlike any other news panel show in history.

The 449,362 a year he earns from thus enfeebling democracy could support in frugal comfort fifteen disabled persons or twenty of their carers for that same period. ‘What do you expect me to do?’ he said of his 15,000 dollar taxi bill. ‘Never leave the office?’

You can’t make this stuff up.

The near half million thus spent on this greedy dill by us, the people, meant there was no Disabled Commissioner any more; no ‘helpline’ calls for Aborigines in prison; nor, indeed, many beds for women fleeing domestic violence, eighty of them each day, in refuges now so crowded that it was lately said that getting a bed in a safe house after being bashed by one’s drugged or drunken husband was ‘like winning the lottery’.

The government clearly had its priorities right, with a million spent every year on planes with no people in them on the way to pick up ministers in Cairns or Perth and ten million on refurbished offices and three hundred thousand on accommodating Joe Hockey in a house his dad and wife owned and indeed a half billion, and rising, they were still expending on looking for MH370, no skerrick of which had been found in three oceans in a year and three months of corrupt and fruitless navigation. Great wadges of money were being spent on war museums and none on shellshocked, suicidal soldiers home from Afghanistan and screaming in their sleep..and so on.

Julie Bishop said she hoped the corrupt ramshackle junto now fracturing Nauru and covering up each day the buggering of children by its creepy police would ‘abide by the rule of law.’

Barnaby said if we have gay marriage here, our neighbours will think us ‘decadent’. One of these neighbours, Malaysia, has locked up its Leader of the Opposition for nine years for’sodomy’. We must retain the respect of these people, he said, lest they think us bad or sinful people. We must do what they do. Or they will not buy our cattle.

You can’t make this stuff up.

And so concluded another day of the worst free-elected government in mankind’s history since the invention, in its present form, of democracy in Iceland in AD 934.

And we will see what we shall see.