Eight children were killed by a troubled woman in Cairns. This equalled in number the abortions procured by despairing women on Christmas Island after Morrison threatened their unborn with life imprisonment on Nauru. Morrison now threatened other unborn with equivalent punishment for the crime, he said, ‘of being born in 2015 and not, as I will tolerate, 2014. My patience is not limitless.’
No interviews with the surviving Lindt hostages were allowed, or attempted. It was known that some of them would upbraid Abbott for failing to save, when he might have, five of their lives, at no risk to his own. Baird professed feelings of ‘guilt’ because the monster had got out on bail.
It was known, but not admitted, who killed Katrina Dawson, and why nine minutes passed between the first discharge of the monster’s weapon, and the second. It was not known why it took fifty or sixty rounds to kill him, and who else they wounded also. It was not known why nearby siege-trained army sharpshooters were not invited in, nor why no sniper shot the monster in the nine minutes after the first discharge of his weapon, or the fifteen hours before that.
$inodino$ walked the plank, and spoke of the ‘freedom of speech’ his demotion to the back bench now afforded him. Many New South Wales Liberals quaked at this, fearing he might elaborate on his connection with Obeid, and the ten million he did not get for not, successfully, bribing O’Farrell (if that was the case) into giving a five hundred million dollar contract to his sewage-moving company.
Gillard asked those who had called her a criminal to apologise to her. Abetz would not; he maintained his amazing story that ‘certain union-connected people’ who sought to overthrow the state could not be named lest they kill him. He would not say what crimes those ‘union-connected people’ could be arrested for, or whether Victoria, a Labor state, would soon begin to investigate, if ever, these ugly, muscly, simian people. It seemed many millions had been wasted, and more would be in the coming year, on what Sabra Lane called ‘a beat up’.
Gerard Henderson, a Liberal propagandist, called the addled Shi-ite cleric a ‘Sunni terrorist’, cursed Waleed Ali, a Muslim, for misreporting the Boston Marathon massacre, and blamed David Marr, among other ‘leftists’, for encouraging Monis into ‘an act of unseemly atrocity’. Gerard was amazed to find his payment by Murdoch was down to a hundred dollars a week.
Murdoch came to town, and, in the manner of the movie ‘I Was Monty’s Double’, thwarted pursuing papparazzi by speeding a withered lookalike round Sydney in his limousine. His minions, cringeing, wondered if he was about to sack everyone and throw his media behind Bill Shorten, the ‘coming man’ whose party, Labor, was now 1.5 million votes ahead of the current crazed unravelling backs-to-the-wall regime and bid Tony Abbott a lousy final Christmas in the Lodge. ‘The Lucky Country has run out of luck,’ he is said to have said, ‘and the wackhead Tony Abbott is its bumblefooted Grim Reaper.’ Or words to that effect.
Obama recognised Cuba, and Murdoch’s columnists said not a word about it. It was noted that Fidel Castro had outlasted Eisenhower, Kennedy, Johnson, Nixon, Ford, Carter, Reagan, Bush 1, Clinton and Bush 2, despite six hundred plots to assassinate him, five hundred by the CIA, and thirty-three attempts, one with an exploding cigar, and was well thought of throughout South America, Europe, the Middle East, China, India, Russia and Africa, not least because of his doctors presently containing ebola there, and a health care system Obama might now extend to the USA. Shanahan, Pryce-Jones, Albrechtsen, Henderson, Hildebrand, Van Onselen, Day and Devine made no mention of this enormous world-altering event in their opinionated columns. Their menacing Moloch, Murdoch, had not yet told them what to say.
John Hewson, a former Liberal voter, said Abbott might now abolish the Education Ministry, and dropkick all schooling to the States, whose money for schools and universities he had cut by thirty billion, reneging thus on his commitment to Gonski, on which he had said that he and Shorten were on a ‘unity ticket’. This would follow his abolition of the Science Ministry, and his risible promise that ‘this will be a government of no surprises’. It was feared he would leave Hockey and Johnston where they were, and merely move Josh into $inodino$’s cavity, and a woman into Josh’s. There was ‘no chance’, backroomers assured the giobsmacked media, that $inodino$ would pay back the hundreds of thousands he did not earn while serving, or rather not serving, as an AWOL Assistant Treasurer. ‘Who do you think I am, Santa Claus?’ the merry acquisitive Greek is said to have said.
Abbott risked helfire by permitting, heretically, a conscience votte on euthanasia. ‘He will burn in hell,’ theologians said, ‘alongside Tory Johnson, a homosexual.’
Julie Bishop assured the deaths of thousands of Third World women by agreeing to Hockey’s crazy cuts to Foreign Aid. A billion continued to be spent on looking in three oceans for purposeless bits of MH 370.
Jetstar’s computer broke down, stranding thousands of ropeable Australians five days before Christmas. The responsible capitalist, Alan Joyce, a Liberal voter, earned twenty-one thousand dollars in the hours it took to sort it out. ‘It’s money Oi’ve orrned,’ he said. ‘Murry Chrastmas. Re-joyce.’
And so it went.